Diabetes & Depression

Jim Edwards
By Jim Edwards Latest Reply 2015-02-10 12:22:32 -0600
Started 2011-09-04 09:02:55 -0500

Where do I start? Most of you know, that in addition to diabetes, I have SAD and clinical depression. Are they related? I don't think so, but they sure can be interlocked. My depression and SAD are medically controlled, for the most part. I still have bouts of depression from fleeting to prolonged. I have analyses what is going through my head during these times and I find a few different categories. One is situational, such as a death of a loved one, divorce, job loss, financial stress, etc. Second, I classify as chemical imbalance. This, of course, is a guess on my part, since I can not see it or measure it. Third is worry. The funny thing with this is that I find myself worrying about what might happen, tomorrow or next month, about things I have very little control over. Example, my wife has told me she will be leaving me the beginning of October. There are a host of things for me to worry about, most of which I can do very little, if anything about. She said she never should have married that she does not know how to be in a relationship. She is right and I can't change that, even after 20 years. At times when I am in the dumps, I feel that God has abandoned me. The good thing is, in my mind, I know He has not. So what do you think and feel when dealing with depression? In my early 20's I often thought of terminating my life. This was before I was diagnosed and on meds. Now, I look back and am so glad I didn't. I would have never heard the words, "Pop-Pop, can you read me a story?"


103 replies

funnygirl98
funnygirl98 2014-08-09 10:51:15 -0500 Report

Jim, I'm a lot like u with the different stages of depression. I'm now 43 yrs old and I did the same things in my 20's about ending my life which I attempted twice but then I feel it was my close sister Hope who was the voice in my head telling me to go seek help from a councelor which I did. My councelor put me through to my psychiatrist and have been on meds and counceling since june 1995. Counceling has been a big help for me being that I go through my different stages and when it gets too bad my dr will up my med dosages which helps for awhile anyways. I hope ur finding comfort with ur family and friends in helping u cope with everything… I know I have;-)

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2015-02-10 12:18:08 -0600 Report

thanks for the response. I like to acknowledge each one, but I often do not get notified when such post has happened. I do not mind being with people, but I also do not mind being alone with my (2) four legged friends, in the mountains of WV, in the log house. I am doing okay, although this gloomy winter has been tough with my SAD. Keep plugging away. I have 2 "kids" and 2 grandkids and an 85 year old mother, all that love me.

vrswesley
vrswesley 2014-02-04 11:36:05 -0600 Report

(((((((((((((jim)))))))))))))))I understand..you know I do not much more I can do..but I understand and am here to listen if you need to talk…Ive been there and am there..I woke up feeling a dread.. finally realized the aniversary of Dan's death is ythis month.. 27th hate that!..but just trying to say I understand and care abou t You.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2014-02-04 11:56:52 -0600 Report

Those anniverseries can be tough. Mom says it gets easier each year. My Dad passed 6 years age. I still miss him.

CADebbie
CADebbie 2013-06-13 21:09:53 -0500 Report

I'm on Effexor 225mg, higher or lower doesn't work, they sent me the generic the other day and is giving me problems. They say it is the same, don't believe it, having thought problems and makes me nausea, called and sending them back for my reg pills. Staying well often seems like fighting a battle. The fight is sometimes with those that are suppose to be helping. With us it wasn't until going to an oncologist that we got the most accurate help. In fact the oncologist said our family doctor was killing us with his diabetic treatments. Told them today not going to injections. Not a place I can go. The neropathy is keeping me awake at night so napping in the day time to catch up. Husband just had his first amputation and has had heart surgery. Take care of yourself. Seriously when changing and packing amputee wounds that still aren't healing. Is all getting very old. Probably the stupid mess with my meds talking.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2015-02-10 12:22:32 -0600 Report

That is the thing with both. they seem to both be constant battles and it wears me down. It seems something or someone always comes along at the right time to sure me up, but I do remember times when it seemed that no one was there.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2015-02-10 12:22:24 -0600 Report

That is the thing with both. they seem to both be constant battles and it wears me down. It seems something or someone always comes along at the right time to sure me up, but I do remember times when it seemed that no one was there.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2015-02-10 12:22:21 -0600 Report

That is the thing with both. they seem to both be constant battles and it wears me down. It seems something or someone always comes along at the right time to sure me up, but I do remember times when it seemed that no one was there.

Jan8
Jan8 2013-12-31 10:22:42 -0600 Report

I, like you cannot take generics with all their fillers and work 15% less than brand name my doc told me. I have had neuropathy for a number of ears and my doc prescribed Cymbalta and lyrica and it works like a charm. I never experience neuropathy pain any more.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2013-06-14 15:54:50 -0500 Report

i AM ON THE GENERIC EFFEXOR AND HAVE NOT HAD ISSUES (WHoops) with it. I have had issues with 2 generics. Effexor, at least for me, is one of those meds I need to introduce to my body slowly and gradually increse the dosage. When I need to be off of it, I also taper it, or else I get sick in the stomach. Injections are not so bad. The insulin has helped me regulate my sugar. I trust my doctor, but do not accept everything as Gospel. I am responsible for my own health, no one else.
Diabetes itself will slow the healing of wounds. A diabetic friend of mone ended up going to a wound care center and it helped a lot. If you want go to Medguard or mediguard.com. List all your meds and suppliements. Once a month they will give you a report on any possible interactions. Of course, some meds just do not work right for some people. Be forever vigilent. Jim

Bogy
Bogy 2011-09-23 18:34:53 -0500 Report

Jim,I understand how you feel. I have experienced depression from the viewpoint of a Psychologist and recently as one of its victims. Your symptoms do represent both a clinical depression as well as situational stressors. In my case the meds handled the clinical aspects but not the life issues.I had to seek out a Psychologist to "talk".My worring,fear,anxiety,loss of interest,feeling helpless and hopeless were issues I needed to dicuss with a professional. These" talk" sessions helped me put things into perspective. The meds can only do so much for me.Life issues are what I needed to "talk" about. I don't belive I read that you are seeing a counselor,if you are continue, if not, please consider it. All the best. By the way,God has not abondoned us.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-10-03 12:48:20 -0500 Report

Seeing a counselor is a possibility that I have. At this point the situation is fairly clear to me and there are some aspects that I can control and some I cannot. So far, I feel I have the wisdom to know and discern the difference. I have a network of people that I talk with frequently that I use as sounding boards and as my alarms, as in "Jim is beginning to lose it", so far so good. I have a minor in psychology and I know she has depression worse than me and is pre-mentapausal and the hormones are just wacky. At times she is borderline bi-polar, hanging mostly on the depressive end. I never know who i am going to see each day and I know it is subject to change during the day. So i do talk these things out, the one group is an on-line group, and the comments and suggestions have been helpful.

Bogy
Bogy 2011-10-03 13:12:43 -0500 Report

Jim,I read you post again and noted that you stated"my clinical depression is controlled,for the most part".Have you recently spoken to whomever is prescribing you psych meds. There may be some modifications in your present meds and/or an adjunct medication that may be added to your regeime. Let me know. Wishing youy the best,Pete

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-10-03 13:31:46 -0500 Report

I had such a problem coming up with the right med to start, i don't want to mess with them too much. I think I went through maybe 10 different meds over 2 years before coming across Effexor XR. I ended up on 150 mg, but last winter things were not right, so my PCP added 75mg of Wellbutrin. Come spring I was doing well, but tired all the time. We cut the effexor to 75 and kept the Wellbutrin. Now we are coming into my SAD season, and I have at least a 90 day supply of 150 Effexor on hand. My PCP just wants a call if I decide to switch to it. so my "for the most part' are what I consider the normal up and downs of life. Of course before being DX'ed with clinical depression and SAD, I thought my ups and down were normal! Thanks to diabetes and all the stuff attached to that, I see my PCP about every 2 months, and I can say, he inquires about all aspects of my health.

Bogy
Bogy 2011-10-03 15:00:48 -0500 Report

I'm glad.I just thought there may be some additional bebefits you could obtain. Pete

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-10-03 15:05:25 -0500 Report

I know during this time I need to be aware of all aspects of my health. The one I am most concerned about now is that my BS #'s have been whacky. if not better by tomorrow, I will either raise my insulin a little bit and/or call my PCP.

white dove
white dove 2011-09-10 10:51:05 -0500 Report

I saw what you had written and felt I needed to write to you Jim. No matter what you are going through, always remember that God is right by your side and that He loves you so very much. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will heal you and lift you out of this depression, He did me. May God bless you. You are in my prayers.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-10-03 12:52:13 -0500 Report

Thanks, WD. I know He is with me and He will not abandon me. The first divorce, caused in part by my Un-diagnosed depression, and therefore untreated, I was not well. this time, I am well and intend to stay that way. This time I have 2 more insurance cards, Anika, my 4 year old grand daughter, and Nathan, my 3 month old grandson! Thanks for your prayers. Please keep Amy in them also. I wish her no ill will.

Anonymous
Anonymous 2011-09-08 20:01:50 -0500 Report

if your wife is going to leave, why is she waiting til October to do it? I mean if she wanted out of your marriage, why wouldn't she just leave and not give you a estimated time of departure. maybe she's been the reason for your depression all these years,I would tell where the door is and not to let it hit her on her ass on the way through

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-10-03 12:40:45 -0500 Report

It has to do with the time she could rent the apartment and when she could get help moving. While my internal sentiments are "don't let the door hit you in the ass as you leave", I did promise to honor and respect her, which I am trying to do, until she leaves. Why? Just because she has not honored her wedding vows, does not permit me, at this point, to dishonor mine. She is not a rotten person. She has many good qualities. I suspect there is some childhood sexual trauma or dating trauma that has messed her up so bad. Menopause has not helped either.

mustangpeg
mustangpeg 2011-09-06 19:59:08 -0500 Report

Hi Jim,
I am so sorry for your sadness. Just having diabetes is drepessing enough and is very hard to deal with. I'm sad for all the personal things you are having to deal with on top of it. But I'm a firm believer in God never gives you more than you can handle, although sometimes you wonder. It saddens me to think that you or anyone would think about taking their own life. That things could seem so hopeless. That has happened to me once in my life and like you I am so glad that I didn't follow though because I would have missed some wonderful things and yes being able to love and make memories with the grandbabies is the best. One thing that has helped me is a diabetes support group, like at most hospitals. It helps to sit face to face with people dealing with the same issues and feelings. I will keep you in my prayers and remember there are a lot of people here in Diabetic connect that love and care for you. God Speed…

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-10-03 12:36:36 -0500 Report

I don't know why I wasn't getting notices of all these posts, but i was using some of the new DC features and a few of them popped up. I wasn't ignoring you all! Next weekend is it. She has been packing and when she goes to work, I go home, open the boxes and sees what she packed. if I don't agree that it is hers or that she can have it, it disappears! Now I am not just removing, but if I open up a box that has room, I add some yard sale stuff to it and retape it. Still have my sense of humor, sick as it may be!

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-09-07 09:42:32 -0500 Report

Thanks. I am so blessed each and every day. I have been given the people and the tools that I need to handle the depression and the diabetes. I actually do better with handling the depression than I do the diabetes! I tell people about my earlier struggles because I know a lot of people keep this stuff hidden and it never gets the chance to air out and be healed. I have let a number of people know about the upcoming departure of my wife, so if I need help, I know I can call and go to their home, if I need to do so. Thanks for your prayers. Please keep Amy bathed in them also, I bid her no ill will. Jim

mustangpeg
mustangpeg 2011-09-07 11:17:46 -0500 Report

You are an oupstanding man,Jim. I wish you all the best and my prayers will be with you guring this trying time. We are here for you…

lorene1212
lorene1212 2011-09-06 08:55:31 -0500 Report

James you are so right been there done that. Gone through it but like you James I came out of it after several years. Congratulations James. Jim I wish you the best of luck. I see a counselor almost every week dont know what I would do if I did not have her to talk to and share with. I just want to stay with her I even followed her to another town. lol. I can share anything and everything with her. She is my special person.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-09-07 09:44:11 -0500 Report

Don't they call that stalking? LOL. I know what you mean. The guy that really got me reconnected was a psychiatrist, are you ready? His name is/was Dr. Nutter!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-09-05 17:13:45 -0500 Report

Hi Jim,

It was with great sadness that I read your post. I could really feel your pain. I can see that you are living with trememdous challenges, with your mental and physical health, your finances, your marriage.

Of course, since I am a mental health professioanal, the first question that comes to mind is whether or not you are in counseling. Meeting with an objective third party could make a lot of difference, in terms of providing a safe place for you to talk about your feelings, to help sort out what's going on in your life, and to help to maintain your perspecitve and to cope. Just had to throw that out there.

You are absolutely right. We have no control over how other people choose to think, behave, or feel. And we can't control the future. We can only do the best we can to maintain the relationships with the people we care about, and to otherwise take care of ourselves as much as possible. But that's a lot. And I hope you are giving yourself credit for that.

It sounds like you are focusing on the good things in life. The people who care about you, whose lives you have benefitted and continue to benefit. The activities in your life that you enjoy. What's good about each day. The many strengths that you have, and that you can rely upon to help you to face these challenges.

I also hope that you are getting supporr from friends and family members who care about you and want to be there for you. Your support network, and your faith, are your rocks in this very hard place.

Please stay in touch with your friends on Diabetic Connect. We are here for you!

Gary

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-09-07 09:52:17 -0500 Report

Hey Dr. Gary, Good to hear from you. A lot of what I wrote above was in the past…about 20 years ago. Does it still effect me? Yep! Good thing is I am better able to handle it this time around. It is funny, but I think because my 20 year relationship with my wife was non-sexual and almost non-physical, I think this will be easier. I am not in counseling and do not feel the need to be there. I would be willing to go and have put a few people on alert if my behavior is not quite right.
Even as this part of my life falls apart, I am generally happy and content. I have written to my PCP and outlined everything for him so he can keep it in mind. I have also selected about 20 people from my friends list, ones that I communicate on a 1 to 1 bases fairly frequently, to let them know and have some weekly check-ins. And of course, my Mom and my 2 daughters know.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-09-07 10:01:27 -0500 Report

Hi Jim,

I got it. Thanks for the clarification. It sounds like you are a doing a lot of things to take care of yourself, especially keeping your doctor informed as well as making sure that you have a strong support network in place. Really important. The check-ins are a great idea.

Always good to be in touch with you!

Gary

sheriden
sheriden 2011-09-05 20:24:20 -0500 Report

Gary is very helpful to people on the sights he is on. I agree counseling is so important. I have sad and many others I don't know sad is hard to control I have heard a certain type of light helps I should find out what it is. I am sorry that you are going through so much also. I have a hard time with change of any kind good or bad. Keep your faith, I have felt the same about our Lord but like u I come back to my mind and know he has never left me for this I am so greatful. I will pray now the Lord leads and guides you and that he will take care of all you have going. And will heal your wife and teach her how to be. and to trust him, He is the only one who knows us and he can help her with this relationship problem. He belives in marriage. I have been divorced from abusive husband and am better off but I don't hate him I pray for him and his new 4th wife. God's blessings on you and yours.

TSasabuchi
TSasabuchi 2011-09-05 16:48:45 -0500 Report

Depression is merelya mental state, if you can convince your self your not depressed, usaually you end up not depressed again. think of things that could go right instead of wrong. think of what good things life has, and jjust repeat them to yourself. eventually, if you stop worrying about what could or possibly happen, you'll become less depressed. not to mention you get off anti-depressents, which have horrible side effects.

sheriden
sheriden 2011-09-05 20:27:45 -0500 Report

I also like Jim have a chemical imbalance and am toled it is why I have the ill's I do. I do talk myself out of some depression however sometimes it just dose not work. I am also Bi-polar and try sometimes to think I do not need meds and get in allot of trouble doing so. One day I will be med free and I can not wait, For me I belive I will be happy pain free no sad tears just plain happy in my eternal rest.

TSasabuchi
TSasabuchi 2011-09-05 22:23:23 -0500 Report

Im very sorryabout your conditions, and like i said before im not trying to shortchange anyone on their lifes difficulties, but i remain true to my belief that happiness and a good mind can cure anything. if you want to try a reallyeffective medicine that doesnt have all the negative side effects, google "Dynamite" its a holisticcompany, but you should try it. and by the way, im fourteen with a possibly bi-polar father, so i understand your situatiion somewhat

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-09-07 10:02:04 -0500 Report

If what you say is true, then I can go to the hospital for the criminally insane, check 3 guys out, bring them to you and you can cure them. It does not work like that. Or I can go to a mental institution where someone has multiple personality disorder and as long as I can get all of the personalities to "Be Happy" and have a good mind, they can be cured. So, where do you get this happiness from? From where can you purchase a good mind? And what is happiness and what is a good mind. I think if you google "depression" you will learn a lot more about it than you know now.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-09-05 17:00:25 -0500 Report

Depression is not merely a mental state. One of the cause of depression is a hormonal imbalance. You can try to convince yourself all you want, and sometimes it does help, but it does not always solve or diminish the problem. Within the last 5 years, I wondered if I could do without the antidepressants. with my doctor's consent, I went from 150mg of effexor xr to 75 mg for 30 days. I was not doing as good as I was on 150, but not too bad. Dropped it to either 50 or 25mg and within 2 weeks, I knew things were not well. I held at that rate for the 30 days. Regardless of this being a very up period of my life, when I had "no reason" to be depressed, I had to fight it with everything I had. Went back to the 75mg for a month, then back to the 150. I am very stable now and, unless I tell them people do not realize that I suffer from depression and SAD. Depression is a mental and a physical state.

sheriden
sheriden 2011-09-08 18:20:28 -0500 Report

We are here Jim to do what we are doing keeping people up on the diffrent typs of illnesses. I think you are doing a good job doing just that. Depression is very misunderstood and it is hard for some to understand how very real and hard it is when you do all you can and still it is there at this moment or sitting at your back door. For me it is follow my Docs orders. And now find help on diffrent issues here on the Connects.

TSasabuchi
TSasabuchi 2011-09-05 17:35:40 -0500 Report

All of that is true, and im not saying depression is nothing, i am sime what familure with it, as both of my parents are having relationshipproblems not to mention our fiscal problems. itgot to the point where i sat on my bed with a knife and cried, but i managedto overcome it by remembering that lifewill always get better, and that there was so much that i could do. im sorry if i…offended you, but the advice i gave is how i got through my bout with depression. And it also varies on the level of depression your experiencing, and the length of time its been a problem. one site you might try is called "Dynamite" its holistic stuff except it really doeswork. and im no salesman. im a fourteen yearold kid whose tried and would useit again.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2011-09-06 07:39:43 -0500 Report

Howdy Tyler
If you can just snap out of it that quickly by "happiness and a good mind ", I seriously wonder if you had full-blown depression. You may have had a minor depressive episode, but. more than likely not major depression

I have had depression that no amount of "happiness" could touch. Read what Pub med has to say about it here: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0... "Many researchers believe it is caused by chemical changes in the brain. This may be due to a problem with your genes, or triggered by certain stressful events. More likely, it's a combination of both."

I could not see past my problem to a time when things "always get better" I was a dead man walking. I could see no hope and the only reason I did not end my life (by refusing dialysis) was because I didn't want give my sons permission to follow Dad's
example when their lives would go into the toilet.

I've been where Jim is, or had been. I had just been divorced out of a 25 year marriage, and had lost my kidney function and had to go on dialysis. I could see NO possible scenario where I had any future with any kind of happiness or joy in it. As it turned out, I was wrong, but that's where my head was at during that time.

I pray you never experience full blown major depression. It is most certainly no fun.

James

TSasabuchi
TSasabuchi 2011-09-06 09:19:34 -0500 Report

Your right, What i had most likely wasnt full blown or close to full blown depression, but i know the feeling of just wanting to take the easy way out, but i myself didnt..have the guts, i guess, to ever do it. Im not sure if what i went through even comes close to comparing with what serious depression can do to people, but likei said before, im standing by my claim to laughter and happiness being the best medicine. And im sorry if i have offended anybody on this paage,i in no way meant to do that, i had a family freind who killed herself because of depression, and i would never underestimate the people who have, they are osme of the toughest pople i know(and im not just trying to flatter you, i mean it). Ao if you'll accept my apology, ii'd like to say that itruly didnt mean to offend or under appreciate anybody. Thanks

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-09-07 10:07:03 -0500 Report

Tyler, I am not offended. If that worked for you, I/we are glad. The problem comes when you state that is all anyone or everyone needs to do. Like James, there have been times when I could see no light at the end of the tunnel. Why? First of all I couldn't see the tunnel. didn't know if I was in the tunnel and didn't care if I ever got out. It is a place you do not want to be. Ever.

sheriden
sheriden 2011-09-08 18:32:27 -0500 Report

I am going to be honist, I am there now. With every thing ealse I am having relationship problems I wont go into now not here. But I can't see the tunnel or anything ealse at this point. I pray it gets better ASAP as I feel I am about to die. It is a bad one. Was out of the meds again, Ray is bringing them home now. Pray that the Lord walk me through this one I can't go it alone here. God's blessings on all of you.

sa

jayabee52
jayabee52 2011-09-06 16:56:03 -0500 Report

No offense taken Tyler, by me at least.

I was on the edge of trying to take my life several times throughout my life. I have had a cousin who took his own life, and an uncle who did so too.

For most of my life I the thought of ending it was in the back of my mind almost constantly and was front and center more often than not, but it seemed that when it did not win when I had a "good reason" to do so, it broke the back of the suicide ideation, and things improved for me. I eventually was able to stop dialysis (after a total of 10 mo) and I met a fantastic lady about a year after I started dialysis. What I thought would never happen, happened, and we were so very happy together. She passed on in July 2010 but I still did not fall back into depression again. It's been over a year since she passed and I look forward to see her again in heaven.

Sopies Grandma
Sopies Grandma 2015-02-09 10:10:47 -0600 Report

reading all these post kind of scares me. Several of you saying that you felt that you were close to ending it all. is that where depression ends up, I have been struggling so hard, and feeling so depressed, I am so tired of feeling down all the time. I used to be a very positive person and scared that I might begin to feel like the only way to end it is by not living.

sheriden
sheriden 2011-09-08 18:39:19 -0500 Report

Wow if this wer not chemical I would be up and dance right now. what a beautiful testamonie, ( I know spelling). I have been going down hill feeling so useless so unloved. If things don't change in my life with Ray I will have to leave when I am abble to do so. And I will have to be ready for any thing that can come at me when that time comes. Thanks for this post it gives me hope.

Pynetree
Pynetree 2011-09-05 09:33:30 -0500 Report

Hey Jim, Aren't these minds complicated things!?
And I hate the "What if 's…" Like there isn't enough to worry about in the moment, but no, we worry about things down the road…that might never happen…and that we have no control over any way!
And the end of a marriage - a 20 yr. one? Well, it certainly can't be called a failure..nothing that lasted that long can be a failed anything. So it's just an end…maybe some sadness due, but it's the beginning of something new too. So maybe work up a bit of happy for your new lifestyle…you lost a worry, as in ,you don't have to worry about her health, how she'll react to your actions, what she needs, etc. so try to think of it as a burden you no longer have to carry.
You are ahead of the game in that you know, you have SAD, Depression, etc, and have been treated for them. Treatment is a life line…reach out if you know you need it. Friends are another lifeline, your family, another lifeline, your faith, activities, …lots of lines to reach out and grab…take a hold when you need it - the pull goes both ways - the person on the other end needs it too.
And I pray you'll stay on the brighter side, and be there everytime those words "Pop-Pop, can you read me a story?" are uttered

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-09-05 13:07:15 -0500 Report

Thanks. Lifeline: That is why I chose to share this on DC. My "failure" is in that in those 20 years I was not able to love her enough to have her let go of her fear of physical intimacy, and/or her being petrified of sexual intimacy. When she told me she was leaving she said, "There is no use in both of us being unhappy". I wish her peace and no ill will.

lori lorchid
lori lorchid 2011-09-04 20:43:42 -0500 Report

You need to hang in there! It's always darkest right before the dawn!!But then the sun comes up bright, brillantly, and the darkness is taken away. You can't control what other people in your life do, it won't help you, by alowing loved ones to try to push your buttons, or control you, give it to god, and don't take it back!!My ex husban was extremely abusive, violent, drinking many times told me he was leaving xxx but thru it all god was with me, and I finally had the courage to divoce him to keep myself, my two children safe, and god saw mw thru it all. From no job, to paying for diapers, groceries, rent, a car,etc… God was always there for me Many nights after my kids were in bed, I'd lie on the floor crying out to god, he alway answered me took the looming depression, an all the other garbage trying to creap iin, God always sustained me and gave me the peace I needed to be able to function, go on with another day, and deal with somtimes so much junk, God's no respector of persons what he does for one he'll do for all. Just ask. I will pray for you, your situations.

ali315
ali315 2011-09-04 20:09:31 -0500 Report

i have been clinicly depressed since i was about 16 and it got worser as i got older and had kids and got married.i not only have had ending life thoughts but i have tried and thanks to the lord i wasnt succesfull i was very young when i did it so now i look back and think man i would have never had the pleasure to be a mommy if my dumb acts would of worked so i feel you and greatfull your here.we all have a purpose in life and only god knows what it is so till we our job is done we should just pray for the best.

Teresa Rose
Teresa Rose 2011-09-04 19:12:54 -0500 Report

I have suffered from depression my whole life. I have never been on any medication, I have always worked through it with God's help alone. I never shared with anyone outside of my own little family about my life until the last couple of months. This last year I have been remembering parts of my life that I hadn't remembered. I had years of time that were missing. I was raped when I was five years old and went through years of neglect and sexual abuse at the hand of different individuals. I have been through so many things and had suppressed alot of the memories. God has helped me through everything and guided me along. One thing that has helped me more than anything is the Love that I have inside of me and the forgiving spirit that I have always had. I am happy but I do have alot of depression with the diabetes and the back injury and not being able to do things that I use to be able to do. Simple things like making a holiday meal for my family or Dancing. I love to dance and always danced for exercise. I can.t swim either because of my back injury and so it's very depressing not being able to just be me. I am dealing with the memories little by little as they present themselves. I have seasonal depression as well. Years ago I didn't know that's what it was but now I know how to deal with it. Everyone on this site is wonderful and I appreciate you all so much and it's good to finally be able to talk to others that can relate to what I have been through and am going through. - Bless you all - Teresa Rose

granniesophie
granniesophie 2011-09-04 16:22:28 -0500 Report

What I haven't said to anyone here until right now is that I have been diagnosed clinically depressed many years ago and was also suicidal for many years. I'm not on any drugs right now-they don't help, and even make me pretty sick. I've messaged Jim privately with my offer to talk anytime, and I mean it, because I know first hand, as do many of you what he feels like, and what it means to go through it, a struggle we may have everyday.
My reason for not committing suicide is that I will screw it up and live as a burden to my kids. And that stops me each time I think about it.
I know why I am depressed as I am, been to counseling and understand all the reasons, and why it manifests itself in different ways at different times.
I also don't want advice or sympathy-I just wanted to say that we are, alot of us, in the same boat, and we all need to support and accept each other for what we are and what we feel.
There is no simple answer to coping with depression, for one it is religious belief, for another it is grandchildren, for me, sarcasm and cynicism seem to help, and for someone else, who knows? As someone esle so aptly put it, as diabetes isn't one size fits all, neither is depression.
Take care, my friends.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-09-07 14:05:30 -0500 Report

We better not meet. We would never get anything solved. Between your sarcasm and mine, we would be at it all day! ;)

dIDYMUS
dIDYMUS 2011-09-07 00:39:29 -0500 Report

I can't but help to think that depression is a severe and and not understood. Diabetes, is another thing. I have been depressed for 15 years. My diabetes diagnosis didn't help, but really didn't make a difference. There is something to do about it. But depression is so hard, and despite the drugs, most of which don't work, actually diabetes is a walk in the park. All you have to do is eat right and do the advise. I am not saying that the DX of diabetes wasn't a big thing, but depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. are much more devastating.
Wish the very best for you, and hold your grandchildren close. But please don't use sarcasm on your grandchildren. They will only suffer from it. I wish I could see my grandchildren a hundred times a day. Best wishes to you, and Take Care.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-09-07 14:03:53 -0500 Report

The problem with depression like diabetes, is that it is different in each one of us. the bigger problem with depression is that it is tougher to put your finger on the issue or issues. there have been times when I felt my life was going very right and I got blindsided by an episode of depression. I don't really get depressed over my diabetes, but at times I get temporarily bummed out.

granniesophie
granniesophie 2011-09-07 06:22:58 -0500 Report

I'm not sarcastic with my grandkids-don't get me wrong-I love them dearly and wish I could see them more often (2 of them live in Turkey) The big people are the ones who get the true benefit of my sarcasm and you'd be very surprised at how many don't get it. But the snappy reply keeps me afloat, although sometimes I wish I would have said it now, instead of coming up with the snappy comeback later! The effects of aging brain, I think :)

dIDYMUS
dIDYMUS 2011-09-07 13:58:04 -0500 Report

Actually I like a snappy reply. I totally get them. I have a sarcastic side too, and I try to respond to humor. But I think you are right with the "effects of aging brain".

johio
johio 2011-09-05 15:09:06 -0500 Report

I have also struggled with depression most of my life. Fortunately, drugs do help me. My shrink says I will probably always be on anti-depression meds because it has been a long-term problem. But also because I have other medical problems I take multiple meds for. The other "big" problem is a kidney disease, not because of my diabetes, but because of a hereditary condition. Controlling depression and diabetes and blood pressure are the things I have to do to prevent losing kidney function. Considering the alternatives—kidney failure, dialysis and/or kidney transplantation, I have made my peace with them all.

The reason I have posted this here is, you are not the only person I have known to have major problems with the psych meds. I hope you are keeping in touch with a psychiatrist, because there are other alternatives. New meds. ECT. etc. And you won't know what is available that might work for you without keeping a relationship with a psychiatrist. The two of you together can decide when and if and how to deal with depression long-term. Good wishes to all.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-09-05 15:43:29 -0500 Report

Thanks for the post. I have been on Effexor XR for about 15 years and have been fairly satisfied with it. I am blessed with a PCP that really takes an interest in me and he keeps up on the latest meds. I would not hesitate to tell him if i thought it was no longer working. Again, I say, if you have tried anti-depressants in the past and they didn't work, go back to the doctor and see what has changed. The difference in the quality of life is tremendous. Jim

granniesophie
granniesophie 2011-09-05 15:43:22 -0500 Report

Actually, I don't see anyone now-haven't for years, having neither the time or the money! I just live day to day and do the best I can. The realization that I am nor ever will be what I want to be is actually very helpful, and also knowing that I am NOT worthless, that I count and I can make a difference is helpful as well. Verbally and emotionally abused children grow up with just as many problems as the physically abused ones, the scars just may not show.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-09-05 15:47:29 -0500 Report

It has been 15-20 years since I have seen a psychiatrist or a psychologist. My last 2 PCP have been absolutely great. Would I go back to you? Yes, if the need was there and i could afford it. You mention the scars. I think that is what my wife is dealing or not dealing with…some terrible childhood scars.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-09-05 13:12:18 -0500 Report

That is why I started this post. To help us all weed out some of that stuff that helps to choke the life out of us. Keep weeding!

Paprika
Paprika 2011-09-04 19:56:14 -0500 Report

I really had a lot of depression when I reached my teen years. Of course I had no idea what to do about it. I couldn't tell my parents because they would probably have said to just be strong. I thought often of suicide back then; however, I believe in God and just could not do it. I finally got medication in my adult years and have done better. I see a psychiatrist now and have also seen a psychologist. I have to say that still at times thoughts of suicide still invade my mind. I have taken more of my medication than prescribed once, but I called my doctor immediately. If I have too much of a breakdown, I'm sure they would hospitalize me. There seem to be just some things in our lives we have to deal with-diabetes, depression, sweating beyond normal and others. Just remember one thing-that what you do will affect others. LOL to you all.

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