Trying to care again

waricks
By waricks Latest Reply 2011-08-19 23:05:28 -0500
Started 2011-08-12 05:06:17 -0500

I have a doctor visit tomorrow and I know that I am going to get yelled at. I have not been eating properly and I have not been testing. I have gained about 10 pounds since my last visit and I have not exercised at all. My A1c was 5.4 on my last visit but I know that it will not be that low this time, I don't need to test to tell me that. Going to Jack in the Box three times a week will not get you a good A1c.
I am not sure what I will tell the doc. I have been going through a very hard time the last three months. I lost one of my part time jobs. I feel hungry all the time. I feel like my brain is not working because I can't remember to do stuff or follow through on things. I am depressed all the time because i know what I am supposed to be doing but I am not doing it. I think the bottom line is I just stopped caring. I want to care but I can't figure out why I don't.
I was diagnosed last Sept 10th. I was so gung ho about changing my ways and was just happy to find out there was something wrong with me. I thought I could take on DM and I actually enjoyed the diet change and working on making me better. I lost 80 pounds in my first 6 months. My wife was so proud of me. Now I just eat what I want and don't do anything that is going to help me. How do I get back to where I was???


26 replies

jladytiger1979
jladytiger1979 2011-08-19 07:56:45 -0500 Report

remember how the junk food makes you feel. I notice a REAL difference in myself when I fast food it or just don't eat like I should. That change has a real effect mentally regardless if we want to admit it to ourselves. So now I make sure to ask myself do you really want to eat this & feel that way tomorrow?? Best of luck & keep up the good work!!!

waricks
waricks 2011-08-19 04:36:07 -0500 Report

Well I just wanted to say thanks for to all of you for your prayers and support. I was worked up pretty bad and I was being very hard on myself for not being as good as I wanted to be. I just got the test results back from the doctor and the were WAY better than I thought. My A1c was only 5.6 a whopping .2 points higher than it was last time and a huge 5.8 points lower than it was 9 months ago. So what have I learned from this? Not to beat myself up just because I screwed up a bit and to just keep striving to do the best I can. What else did I learn? That just because my cheating visits to Jack In The Box did not show on my A1c as much as I thought it would does NOT mean that I can keep doing that. What do I wonder about knowing that I did cheat a lot and my A1c is still what I would consider very good? I wonder what my A1c would have been if I did not cheat and if maybe my med dosages are a bit high. (1000 mg Metformin 2x a day and 5 mg Glyberide 1x a day) Which in turn makes me wonder if I renew myself everyday and do not cheat maybe I can reduce some of my meds next time I see the doc.

At any rate - I am happy about the results and I am going to use that to try to do even better next time!

Thanks again to all my friends here at DC!

jayabee52
jayabee52 2011-08-19 23:05:28 -0500 Report

WONDERFUL to hear of your good news. I pray you can minimize the cheating and your next A1c sill even be better!

MewElla
MewElla 2011-08-19 13:41:05 -0500 Report

Wow, your A1C 5.6 is great…I know what you mean about stressing out about all this, I have my test at the end of Sept…and here I am worrying about it…you just never know where you are going to be with this…Take care…

sheriden
sheriden 2011-08-19 04:52:56 -0500 Report

I am so glad your test were so good, And I know what you mean about wanting to do better and I am sure u will.

p3j
p3j 2011-08-15 18:58:04 -0500 Report

We will keep u in our prayer. I did the same thing and my dr. told me he gonna put me on insulin if i don't get it 2gether. God Bless u.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-08-13 21:42:44 -0500 Report

Hey waricks,

So sorry to hear that you are going through a diffcult time. It has always been my experience that being honest with your physician is the best approach. Let him/her know how you are feeling, both physically and emotionally, and see what they suggest.

I am also wondering if you are experiencing some depression. Lack of motivation to take care of yoursef is one symptom of depression. This might be a good time to check into seeing a counselor, who could evaluate you for depression, suggest some options, and work with you on gaining a new persective along with some new coping skills. The body, mind, and spirit all work together.

Here is a link to a discussion that I posted on depression:

http://www.diabeticconnect.com/discussions/9451-still-not-feeling-it-maybe-it-s-time-to-ask-for-help

Something to think about. Don't go through this alone. This is an important time to get as much emotional support as possible.

Stay in touch with us!

Gary

waricks
waricks 2011-08-13 22:42:07 -0500 Report

Thanks for this reply. I did have a good meeting with my Doctor and she was vey helpful. We talked about a lot of the things I am going through and she had some good recommendations which I am planning to go through.

I do think seeing a counselor is in order but I have to wait on that as I am down half of my income because of the shut down of one of my part time jobs. I have no insurance and paying my way through DM is hard enough without having to pay a councilor.

I used to come here every night before bed but I only have internet when I am at my inlaws but I do plan to stop in every chance I get because that is one of the things that helped me the most when I was first DX'ed.

Thanks again.

nanaellen
nanaellen 2011-08-13 16:48:37 -0500 Report

Hi Bill! I would love to be the one to help you out but I'm right in that boat with ya!! I was DX'ed 6 years ago and within 3 months had gotten my #'s down so far that I didn't need 3 shots a day anymore, just the Lantus at night. Then I switched jobs and got too confident and got laxed about testing and that's what got me where I am today. Had to have my gall bladder out last Nov. and have had pancreatitus 5 times since then!! My #'s were in the high 300's!! I STILL have not gotten my D under control and it's been almost a YEAR!! Don't let yourself get to that point!! It's way worse to have the "complications" than the disease!! Trust me!! I'm still fighting the fight but giving myself the day off today but I'm gonna start again fresh tomorrow. Don't give up!! I'm gonna get right back on that horse tomorrow and make it go where I WANT IT TOO!! Keep the faith!! It's GOT to get better!!

waricks
waricks 2011-08-13 22:37:29 -0500 Report

I am with you on the idea of starting again fresh "tomorrow" my only problem is sometimes I use "tomorrow" as an excuse for me to go off the path today.

I have had a good weekend so far, with the exception of getting my all time sugar low of 36 last night. That was not fun.

Tender Tips
Tender Tips 2011-08-12 17:32:49 -0500 Report

I can so relate to what you are feeling. I too did so well when I was first diagnosed. But for some reason it is so hard to maintain that motivation-for me anyway. As I am eating something I know isn't healthy, part of me is saying, "Why are you doing this?" And yet I do. Losing 80 lbs. is an awesome achievement! I hope you get some help for your depression; it seems rare that long-term change ever comes from feeling bad about ourselves. You are worth being good to yourself and taking care of yourself. Don't give up-we all stumble and can help each other get back up!

lmkilday
lmkilday 2011-08-12 16:07:09 -0500 Report

You've only suffered a setback. You haven't lost the war. You know what you need to do. You've done it once very successfully. Begin again the same way you started last time. Talk to your doctor about treating your depression. That might help you get you back on track treating your diabetes.

sheriden
sheriden 2011-08-19 05:06:18 -0500 Report

You know every one is talking about depression, I am on and have been on antidepression meds for a very long time and will be for the rest of my life. Not having them becouse of what is going on in my life nor the food I need to stay well is killing me I don't evin want to exercise and that dose not cost a dime. So it is important to be able to stay well mentaly and phy. They probaly have mental helth care on a can or can or can't pay base where you are at, ask your doc give her a call and get on it don't waite it can get worse to the point you don' even know you are where you are. prayers are with you.

sweetdefeat
sweetdefeat 2011-08-12 10:16:58 -0500 Report

Dude, I have been down this road. You can tell your doctor exactly what you told us. It will be OK. Just breathe. Take a few deep breaths and exhale fully. It is their job to get mad up to a point. If they yell, you just have to be able to yell back. That gets them every time.

Seriously, You can do it! I know, if I can, you can. First, STOP GOING TO JACK IN THE BOX!!! This becomes your Mantra, starting now. If you can do one week, you can do two and so on. Second, YOU DO NEED TO TEST!!! Just knowing where you are, tells you what action you need to take. It's like playing with fire, for you. Third, What's wrong with getting help for depression. If you don't like the pills, talking to someone (other than your wife) will help.

The Diet is all together different. I just cut granulated sugar, sugary drinks and condiments high in sugar. This can be the first step to get you on the right track again. A little confidence goes a long way. Writing down everything you eat and setting a reasonable goal for yourself may help. I am sorry about your job and pray something will come your way. Pulling yourself up is hard…my A1c was 8.3 with average BG's high 300's. I'm not perfect, but my numbers are much better and I feel great. Setting goals and working hard to achieve them is getting me back on track. Good luck to you! I got your back. :)
~Bill

Marytea
Marytea 2011-08-12 09:20:13 -0500 Report

Try not to look at diabetes as a life sentence but as a gift (odd I know). If you manage it right, you will be healthier and most likely live longer. If you fell off the maintenance wagon, get back on. You can do it. I too was diagnosed recently. It is a JOB but one with a great paycheck: better health.

waricks
waricks 2011-08-12 15:53:24 -0500 Report

I understand what you are saying. When I first was diagnosed I told people that Diabetes is the best bad thing that has ever happened to me. I had tons of motivation - I am hoping to get back to that.

granniesophie
granniesophie 2011-08-12 07:55:13 -0500 Report

I would hope you don't get yelled at- doctors are not supposed to yell at you.
You do need to tell him whats going on in your life to have caused all your hard work to change. He can help you find ways to get back on track. Maybe you need something for the depression, maybe a change in meds to help you while you work on you getting back to eating right and exercising.
Sometimes just telling the doctor helps.
Just go back to square one and start all over again. No one will judge you, they will help and support you. I know I will.
Keep us all posted :)

waricks
waricks 2011-08-12 15:55:12 -0500 Report

Thanks, no your right they are not supposed to yell at you, and she didn't. She was not happy because I have been her best patient and she was looking forward to seeing my progress. We had a good chat and I think I fell better about it now. I was being way to hard on myself.

AuntieM234
AuntieM234 2011-08-12 07:45:43 -0500 Report

IMO you feel hungry all the time because you eat too many carbs. IMO you don't feel like your brain is working because you can't remember to do stuff or follow through on things BECAUSE THE BLOOD FLOWING THROUGH YOUR BRAIN IS SYRUPY AS A RESULT OF ALL THE CARBS you've been eating. Maybe you don't care and can't figure out why because your brain isn't working right, because … get the picture?!

IMO you need to decide whether you want to live. If the answer it yes, then ask yourself if you want to live life with all your extremities and digits. If the answer is yes, again, I think you already know what to do, because you've already done a good job of it before.

Your depression could be contributing to your inability to care, as well. You may need to see a therapist to help you with that. Depression is dangerous, don't fool around … get professional help! If you ever want to talk, I'm always willing to contribute whatever I can. Numerous other members are, as well.

The bottom line, though, is no one can travel the road for you. You must do it for yourself. We can give you moral support and the benefit of our knowledge and experience. We can also give you positive reinforcement. Good luck on your journey through the Diabetic maze. Sending love and prayers your way. ;-) Mara

waricks
waricks 2011-08-12 15:56:57 -0500 Report

Thanks - you sound like my doctor. I do need to get back to my better way of taking care of myself. I do want to live, life is not fun right now but I love my wife and want to be here for her.

AuntieM234
AuntieM234 2011-08-19 07:43:24 -0500 Report

Now that's the way to think! You can do it for your wife … But do it for yourself, too! Try to find something fun to laugh about every day, Bill. It makes you feel so much better and relieves a great deal of stress. I guarantee you that if you have a good, genuine laugh every day, you will begin to pull yourself out of some of that depression. Don't stop your meds and always do what your doctor orders. That is important! My Grandson is going into seventh grade next week and is playing football for the first time. Yesterday he came home with all of his gear. We noticed him trying to get his jersey on over the shoulder pads. It was Hilarious! Sort of like the little puppy chasing his tail. Finally, his Mom told him he had to take off the shoulder pads, dress them with the jersey, then put them on. By that time, though, we were all cracking up, because he was so caught up, it was difficult to get him out of the jersey and pads, in order to get him dressed correctly. So his Mom had to intervene. I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to pass out. So then everyone was then laughing at my Grandson AND me. (There was a housefull, because we were celebrating my Son-in-law's bithday.) My Grandson was laughing just as hard at me as I was him. I'm there saying, "Hey guys, coach, this is my Mom. She's here in the locker room to help me get dressed!" Its hard to explain just how funny it was. However, the point is that I hadn't been feeling well all day, but I was feeling much better after the laugh! I don't always have something THAT funny, but I do try to find something to laugh about every day. IMO, laughter IS the best medicine! ;-) Mara

eristar
eristar 2011-08-12 06:59:03 -0500 Report

I'm pretty sure we have all gone through this after initially being very conscientious about our diets. I know I have. I have always been good about testing, but the diet has gone downhill several times - I decided it wasn't worth it to give up cookies and cakes and ice cream…but as I watched my numbers creep up and up, I realized that just because my bg# had been steadily good for awhile, my T2 didn't just go away! Perhaps a small change such as testing on a regular basis will remind you to take a little more responsibility for your health…Hang in there, and keep us updated!

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