Help with resentment

By CassandraG Latest Reply 2011-08-11 23:11:58 -0500
Started 2011-08-10 13:26:40 -0500

I know this may sound petty to some, it even does to me sometimes. I just can not help how I feel. I have been diabetic for 7 years, and two weeks ago my husband spent 3 days in the hospital thinking he was having a heart attack. Well like I told him months ago it is diabetes. Up until that two weeks ago we ate what ever, I know I should have put my foot down, him and my step-son wanted. I was still fighting with them over sugar in the tea even. We are very low income and there are several days I would not have anything in the house to eat and it was like no big deal. Now all the sudden it is " How many carbs in this?", "Can we have that?", " I have to get find a doctor. " and so-on. When it was just me it was you know you really should eat better, as he would buy chips and ice cream, knowing we are on a very tight budget. Now I am stuck, I love my husband, but I have this resentment over his actions about this. I am not sure how anyone can help with this but any help is better than none.

14 replies

CassandraG 2011-08-11 23:11:58 -0500 Report

Thank you all. I know you are all right I should talk to him, and I will. I am a very passionate person and sometimes that can be a bad thing. In fact people tell me I am a Texas through and through. With that said, I will talk to him this weekend and keep my passion or temper in check. I hope. I just have to remind myself that he just really did not understand. Now repeat: He just did not understand…10 times and I will make it. Thank you all again. :-)

Bunny Cakes
Bunny Cakes 2011-08-11 21:32:38 -0500 Report

I used to have resentment toward my family for being able to eat all of those delicious things I can no longer have. But after so long without some of those things I find I no longer even like them when I try to cheat and eat them anyway.

But what I got from your topic is that your are resentful more because now you husband cares about diabetes since he has it and that he didn't care as much before when it was just you.I think that is perfectly normal, sometimes people only care strongly about it when it is finally happening to them.

I think this is something you need to discuss with your husband so the two of you can get a better understanding of each other and your feelings. Also embrace his new found want for a healthier life style so the two of you can live long healthy lives together and perhaps keep your son from suffering the same fate.

JoleneAL 2011-08-11 09:31:48 -0500 Report

My husband has been fantastic about my diabetes. Sure he knows I can't have certain things and still buys them on occasions, but now that I have better control and fast insulin, I can enjoy - rarely - the things I used to. But recently, my mother in law suffered a 2nd med stroke and one of the things the rehab facility is hot on checking is her sugar levels. She is not a diabetic, but because her body went through such a trauma and is still trying to heal, sometimes sugar levels can get out of control. So now she gets checked regular and she told me she now has a better understanding of what I go through daily. Thankfully, the Lantus shots are fewer now a days as she heals more and more. Yes, sometimes it takes experiencing something before we can really appreciate what others, even loved ones, are going through. Yes - it sucks he has diabetes, but rejoice that he know gets it! Love can heal all …

robertoj 2011-08-11 05:54:08 -0500 Report

When I found out that I had type II diabetes in December 2008 I immediately started changing my lifestyle. My wife thought that I was making too big a deal about it at first. Since then her mother (who does not control her diabetes) has suffered a heart attack and several strokes while my BG has stabilized and I have lost 73 lbs. Now she is a believer.
I love food a lot and I never thought I could change my eating habits. I have gotten a lot of information and recipes online. Diabetes runs on both sides of my family so I know it is serious. However, I have also learned not to take myself too serious. Resentment is a useless emotion. Love yourself. You deserve to live happy, healthy life.

George1947 2011-08-11 02:59:31 -0500 Report

There is nothing on earth harder to deal with that a recent convert… He just became a "true believer" and now he thinks about diabetes 24/7. When it was you, he didn't think about it because he didn't have to. I've been diabetic since 1998 and have been incharge of my own life all along, and I don't care of there are chips or ice cream in the house, I just don't eat it. I eat salads and meat and cheese and other things that are good for me. Just take this as a sign that he's finally on the band wagon and do what you have to, to survive!

margokittycat 2011-08-10 21:29:26 -0500 Report

I am sorry to hear that your husbnd and step son put themselfs infront of you or your health. I hope that your husband being diagnosed will help him see that all you were ever trying to do was keep not just yourself healthy but also him and his son. Men are very pigheaded and think they are invensible and nothing cn hurt them, it is a guy thing and then when it happens to them a lot of them will set there for months even years and do everything they were told not to do just to try and prove a point o everyone. I hope your husband is not one of them and that he listens and sees that the health eating and diet and exercise only benifitts him and does not hurt him. Good Luck and GOD BLESS!

Auburn Bill
Auburn Bill 2011-08-10 18:22:02 -0500 Report

for ears my wife got after me, now I am doing what I shold be with maintaining a proper diet. We are all set inour ways,, but when the SHOE is on the other persons foot - Look out Baby! I am glad to say I have learned to eat gram crackers atnite with a cup of tea or fruit during the day instead of chips! Your mind must be trained and regulated to do what must be done for oyur health - I must take the first step! Grandpa Bill

Warren78 2011-08-10 18:19:32 -0500 Report

I've been a nurse for fifteen years and in my experience most people don't recognise the seriousness of a problem unless its happening to them. The exceptions are cancer and HIV. I wouldn't take it as he doesn't care more of he didn't know all of the problems diabetes can cause. Like Gabby said just be glad that he does now and ya'll get healthy together and educate your step son so he can possibly avoid it.

GabbyPA 2011-08-10 16:13:19 -0500 Report

I was not really clear on what you were saying, but what I got from it was that now that he is diabetic, there is a sudden change in things in the house. He knows how you should be taking care of yourself?

I guess the best way to overcome the resentment is to say "you know, you're right and let's do it together now". If he is ready to make the change, then rejoice in that and let that become what bonds you guys together now. It might not be easy, and putting up with the "I told you so" attitudes may make you crazy, but at least the understanding is there and the love is there to try to change and make it better for all of you.

ShellyLargent 2011-08-10 15:19:37 -0500 Report

It must be a "man" thing… My husband is sort of like that too. A few weeks ago, I thought I was having another heart attack (chest pain, nausea, dizzy, rapid heart beat, and started to pass out) at work. I had one of my co-workers call 911 and went to the ER. Not a heart attack, severly dehydrated and panic attack… But now that the med bills are coming in, he made the comment about me panicking and I should have not gone to the ER, I overreacted… blah, blah, blah… A few nights ago, he woke up in the night with pain in his left arm - no other symptoms of a heart attack, but he wanted me to take him the ER anyway! I talked him out of it and the next morning his arm was fine. Pinched nerve, which I knew that's what it was… Now he finally admitted that he was sacred and understands why I acted like I did. It took him being in my shoes to understand what I was going through…

realsis77 2011-08-10 13:58:03 -0500 Report

I've read over your post twice and if I'm understanding correctly, he did not seem to care when it was just you with the diabetes, now he has it and is suddlenly concerned with things… am I correct? That's very sad and I'm very sorry. Perhaps to ease the resentment you are feeling you can talk to him? Ask him how come he was not concerned when it was only you with the diabetes? Maybe he did not realize he was doing this? I'm really sorry and I can completely see your point. I think talking to him about this is a good way to relieve the resentment! Hopefully he will understand how your feeling about this! It is sad to me and my heart goes out to you that he would have a lack of concern when it was you that was ill! It does sound like he's being very selfish.again, maybe talking can clear this up?? I hope I've helped some and I wish you the best! God bless you!