mad at myself (vent)

By mommafish Latest Reply 2011-08-10 05:10:04 -0500
Started 2011-08-02 20:43:44 -0500

Im so mad at my self I didnt sleep at all last night, so i slept all day to day only waking to eat and use the rest room. well I woke up at 2 hungry and insted of heating up one of my dinners i had put up i grabed my sons candy bar, YUP u heard me a candy bar well to hours ater i was at 200(what did i think it woukld be) so i went back to sleep and i just woke up to eat had yogurt and almonds my before meal is 179 AGGGHHHH. I was doing so well but the night without sleep through me for a loop. Im bipolar(on meds) so these sleepless nights hit me when im felling really down wich is once or twice a month. I fell like i let myself down and let diabetes get the best of me. I am dealing with two big problkems and having to balance them both and thats taking a tole on me. If I have a bad day i have to make myself get up and eat test eat when all i want to do is stay in bed. well thats all from me sorry to have to vent just feel like I needed to get it all out

49 replies

rainbow57 2011-08-10 05:10:04 -0500 Report

i amaalso Bi-Polar and a diabetic i have many sleepless nights on medicition for both my problem is im an out of control eater ihave nights i just sit in front of computer and eat and eat. ive gained weight and nopthing fits. my husband gets so mad about this he asks me if i want to die and leave him all alone this only makes it worse. can anyone help me?

catroter53 2011-08-07 13:35:29 -0500 Report

i think we all have bad days,,,besides dealing with my DB,, i also have chronic back and left foot pain,,twisted my right knee 2 yrs. ago and tore somthing,, so that pain is way up at times,,hang in there sweetie,, the goods days do come around!!

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-08-05 11:44:00 -0500 Report

Hey Momma! Don't think you are the only one that does dumb stuff at times! there is a lot on your plate. Deal with it the best you can. Jim

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-08-04 16:23:27 -0500 Report

HI mommafish,

Sorry to hear about what's going on with you right now. I hope you don't beat up on yourself too much, you are only human, and you are facing a lot.

I hope this isn't a stupid question but I was wondering if the physician who treats your bipolar disorder and the physician who treats your diabetes are in touch with each other. Are they coordinating your treatment? Just a question/suggestion.

Keep in touch!


GabbyPA 2011-08-04 20:36:01 -0500 Report

That is a very important point. All those things are important in the treatment of all parts of our lives and they overlap far more than we think sometimes.

mommafish 2011-08-04 18:34:34 -0500 Report

Hello Gary thanks for ur kind words of concern. Yes both of my docs are in touch with each other sometime they dont like what the other has done at times but they work together to help me. It was the physician that treats my bipolar that did the blood work to find out i was diabetic and sent me right to my reg. Dr. Im doing much better today the family wanted to go to IHOP and i LOVE pancakes but i stuck with eggs and bacon and coffee for my meal, it was hard watching them eat their pancakes but I did very well with my choice.. once again thank u for ur kind words

MissPuff 2011-08-04 12:16:41 -0500 Report

Hi mommafish,

Don't be mad at yourself. I, like about everyone else who has replied, am bipolar too. I know what it is like to go without sleep. I have actually gone 5 days & nights without sleep before I crash. I have been hypoglycemic for years until I flipped this year to diabetic. It is hard to fill the sleepless nights because as long as you are awake, your body is burning fuel, carbs, at a higher rate & you need to eat. So naturally, your body is still thrown off when you are catching up on your sleep - you just grab something quick so you can go back to sleep. Don't beat yourself up. Another thing to realize is that when your system is out of whack, like when you aren't sleeping at your normal times (or if you have an infection), is that will raise your BG quite a bit, as well as eating the wrong food.

You obviously have had bipolar for some time since you know your cycle of manic comes 1-2 times a month. Just because your manic breaks thru 1-2 times a month and you find yourself having more difficulty during those times does not mean you have let yourself down or let the diabetes win. Yes, they are both very difficult diseases to deal with. Please speak with your doctor/doctors about what you can do on those particular days. Can you take an extra pill to give your system a boost to fight thru that day & night? Can your doctor recommend anything that might help? Sleep meds don't help the manic of bipolar, asyo already know, so I hope they don't recommend that, but maybe something will help. I wish I had the option of medication, but I have to deal with both issues & others w/o meds.

Just a suggestion, as I don't know your situation, but would it be possible to put a small "dorm" refrigerator in your son's bedroom that he could attach a lock to & put his little "goodies" in? Under lock & key, out of sight, out of mind? It might help you to munch on healthier things, say a small apple & a cheese stick? Quick & easy, then back to sleep. When you are catching up on sleep, you don't need much to eat - 1 carb & 1 protein should do.

Just remember, don't be hard on yourself. It doesn't sound like you make a habit of eating the wrong foods. I think all of us step on the banana peel once in a while, but we get back on our feet & start fresh. I know you do too. Be good to yourself. Don't beat yourself. Take care.

mommafish 2011-08-04 18:45:09 -0500 Report

I am finding people on DC that have both bipolar and biabetes are not as rare as i thought. I am doing much better today still trying to catch up but doing better. as i said above we all went to IHOP tonight but i stuck with my meal plan and didnt eat pancakes (my weakness) I fell much better then i would have if i would have had all those carbs. how are u doing with no meds? I find the meds im on are a godsend and im so glad i have insurance because just the bipolar meds are700 without copay I end up paying just under 20$ for all of them.
thanks for taking the time to leave me a comment

MissPuff 2011-08-04 23:32:14 -0500 Report

Hi Jodi
I'm so glad you are doing better today. (We love IHOP, too!) And don't you love Dr. Gary? He's one of my favorite people to talk to & hear from.

Today is one of my really depressed days & my BG is higher than usual for me - and I had only two carbs all day before I tested at 5 pm. I'd eaten a couple of scrambled eggs on an english muffin, then a tossed salad. I'm just stressed to the max & very depressed, so I'm sure that's why it's up.

I don't think it is unusual to deal with multiple illnesses. My most difficult are the bipolar, epilepsy & uncontrolled pain, but the diabetes is hard too. I went thru almost 15 years of trying about every different meds or combination of meds for the bipolar and epilepsy, but always had bad reactions to them because I also have an immune disorder. I wish I could take something to control all of these things, but I can't, so I just do the best I can. And I sure understand about the insurance. My insurance was once covering meds that cost over $1000 a month.

I have the same problem with the diabetes. I was put on Metformin & had a reaction immediately. My doctor asked me to stick it out. After 2 weeks of diarrhea, I was pouring blood out my rear end. My doctor stopped the Metformin & ordered a colonoscopy, but the bleeding stopped when the Metformin did, so the test was cancelled.

Without diabetic meds, my BG usually stays 110-120. My husband takes Metformin & his BG is usually below 100, but that is after he has been working all day & he checks it just before dinner. I work hard to stick to the meal plan even when we go out, just like you do. My husband breaks his diet a little more since his BG is always lower.

I'm sorry - I've been complaining. I should be encouraging you. Just keep in mind, we all understand what you are going thru. Come & talk to us any time - day or night;)

mommafish 2011-08-05 11:23:44 -0500 Report

Im so sorry to hear ur having a bad day Its no fun to feel that way. Its taken a long while to get my meds right lots of crying and hard days till they got the dosage rigt about 2 years. What kind of diet are u on? I wish I could get my numbers as low as u and ur husbands. I havent had ANY problems with Met but i think i need to be up cuz im still having 130 with 8gr of carbs tried to get the doc to up it last time i saw her but she wouldnt. I hope ur day is better today just take it easy and think happy thoughts ( i know i know it takes mor then that LOL)
Keep ur chin up

MissPuff 2011-08-05 12:54:15 -0500 Report

We went thru a diabetic training course. Have you ever been to a training course? Does your doctor have you on 8 grams of carbs per meal? That's way too low. That's probably why you BG is high - your body is fighting to get enough insulin produced & is throwing you system off balance.

At our course, we were taught to read the labels for carbs & fiber, which is basically the most important thing. 15 grams count as 1 carb serving & I'm allowed 3 carbs each meal. Plus if you have something that is high in fiber, you subtract half the dietary fiber from the total carb. So if you have something that has 37 grams of carbs and 8 grams of dietary fiber, you take 4 grams from the fiber & deduct it from the carbs, making it 33 grams of carbs or 2 carb servings. Sounds confusing, doesn't it? It took me a while to catch onto that, but my husband helped me until I finally got it down.

For breakfast, it's 3 carbs, 1 ounce meat, 1 fat. For lunch, it's 3 carbs, 2 ounces of meat & 1 fat. For dinner, it's 3 carbs, 3 ounces of meat (about the size of your palm & not very thick) & 1 fat. You can have as many "free" foods - raw, nonstarchy vegetables, as you want as long as you don't add salt or salad dressing to them. But if you cook them, it brings starch out of them.

You can get a booklet from the American Diabetes Association called "Choose Your Foods: Exchange Lists for Diabetes". Their website is & their phone number is 1-800-DIABETES.

Just remember: Breakfast - 3 carbs, 1 meat, 1 fat
Lunch - 3 carbs, 2 meat, 1 fat
Dinner - 3 carbs, 3 meat, 1 fat
And all the non-starchy veggies you want. I lost 30 pounds in the first 3 months & felt very good about that.

I am feeling better today, thank you, although I am going to have to go back & undo a bunch of paperwork that I did yesterday. I shouldn't have even been trying to do it when I was stressed & upset. I just made a lot of mistakes that I have to correct now.

Well, You keep hanging in there, Jodi. I will too. I'm always here if you need to talk. Take care.

vonweidhaas 2011-08-04 11:20:03 -0500 Report

hey we are still human.just get back on the wagon is all. I cheated with 2 tablespoons of raspberry sorbet and beat myself up for it. I too have probs sleeping and wonder if it also is attributed to our disease. Always been a night person anyhow but find myself passing out @ 9pm - Thinking of playing bingo. Did I say that?

nzingha 2011-08-05 23:03:30 -0500 Report

difficulty sleeping is definitely part of the disease..opps I just checked and my reading is high… had too much for dinner.. its that babana and pawpaw for too much potatoes

cottoncandybaby 2011-08-03 23:59:34 -0500 Report

I agree with everyone here, just forgive yourself and move on, tomorrow is another day. I made choc. chip cookies last night to send to my grown son along with housewarming gifts for him and his new wife. Of course I had some of the dough before it was baked (I know everyone most of us do this at some point in time!). Yes, I cheated a little, but tried to stay on track for most of the day. And yes, it was good, who doesn't love cookie dough with chips? But I know I don't make them often, so it will not be a habit. But I always have to be on guard, as my 15 yr old daughter loves to bake, so I take foil and put it on top of whatever she is making, so at least I don't have to look at it! My fiance' is also bi-polar, thank goodness not diabetic, but his meds make him have trouble sleeping, too. He takes Seraquill right now and it does help stabilize his mood, but sometimes still gets depressed when stress is high. I am still learning about it, but he is great, and we are all human with our strengths and weaknesses. So forget about the candy bar, and think about something fun to do tomorrow that has nothing to do with food…I take my dogs for a walk when I feel myself wanting something I shouldn't have. They are the most fit dogs on the block!!!! LOL!!!

mommafish 2011-08-04 18:53:04 -0500 Report

I dont think my 3lb yorkie could keep up with me lol. im doing so much better today still trying to catch up one the day missed but thats in the past and nothing i can do about that. I'm sure ur son will love the cookies u made him.

cottoncandybaby 2011-08-04 22:17:59 -0500 Report

Wow, 3 lb. Yorkie, very tiny, he/she could be breakfast for one of my dogs! LOL!! Many yrs. ago, I had a little 10 lb. peek-a-poo for 16 yrs, loved her to death…last yr. had to put my wonderful Daschund down, as he was old and had bad skin allergies that we tried everything, but kept getting worse and he was miserable. Now we still have my Shih Tzu, Pebbles, 11 yrs old, and our newest rescue dog, Molly, she is a 50 lb. mix, still puppy, we just got her trained a few months ago, very sweet, very active! Dogs can be a God-send for sure! Sounds like you are doing better and back on track, so keep up the good work and hug your cute doggie!!

purple1900 2011-08-03 19:30:33 -0500 Report

I am bipolar also and its hard when we have the nights we don't sleep. I understand the no sleeping part because I suffer with that a lot and most sleeping pills don't work for me. I also have to remind myself to actually eat when I'm having bad days. We have bad days but we can't let them control us. We have to continue going forward and try and do better the next day

mommafish 2011-08-03 19:43:58 -0500 Report

Yeah sleeping pills for me are a joke. I just turn on the tv and muddle through the night. I dont like to sleep the day away but yesterday was just to much to handle… Today has been a better day still not wanting to eat but make sure i have a little something every now and then to keep me going.. thanks for ur reply it great to see how nice people are on DC

purple1900 2011-08-03 20:49:05 -0500 Report

a lot of times I sleep during the day and stay up all night and I have found on my really manic nights when I can't even think straight or concentrate for long periods of time I start working on a plastic canvas craft. Its an outlet for me with a positive result at the end

mommafish 2011-08-03 21:03:13 -0500 Report

wow thats good u can keep urself busy after hours of no sleep my eyes get wonky and i cant see. wish i could but just cant dont know if its the diabetes or just not sleeping I hope its from not sleeping lol

Sidehack 2011-08-03 18:34:34 -0500 Report

Don't beat yourself up too much! I'm bi- polar also; sometimes when I get depressed I eat things I shouldn't. The next day I start over and work harder to control my sugars. What I'm trying to say is that we have good days and we have bad days. Forgive yourself for being human. There are worse fates than diabetes!

mommafish 2011-08-03 18:56:54 -0500 Report

Thank u so much some days are bad arent they but i have to say now with meds the good out weighs the bad

nanaellen 2011-08-03 15:39:38 -0500 Report

I had one of those days yesterday too!!! And I'm NOT bi-polar!! lol Just couldn't sleep and stayed in bed almost all day!! And I wish I had a 200 reading!! Mine was 279 and I didn't even cheat!! I was mad at the world ALL day long so please don't feel like your alone in all this!! I'm right there with ya! Disgusted by my readings and feeling like diabetes is winning this war!! But today is a NEW day and time to try all over again!! We'll get there sooner or later!! :) I'll tell you the same thing I told my niece last night…breathe just breathe…close your eyes and RELAX. Tomorrow is another day…a beautiful sunny glorious day!! Your friend, Ellen :)

Dixiemom 2011-08-03 14:06:09 -0500 Report

Venting is good. Just take one day at a time and one peoblem at a time. As for eating the wrong things, well, you are not alone. I binge every now and again, ice cream, chocolate, homemade cake. I test and just try and keep going. I know I shouldn't binge but I do. We are all hmans who make many mistakes, so when things don't look so good, try to think happy thoughts.

mommafish 2011-08-03 18:12:06 -0500 Report

o man if i had homemade cake yesterday I would have eaten it all I LOVE cake… Today im on track and doing better thank u

lilsista39 2011-08-03 12:07:27 -0500 Report

Sweetie venting is good for the soul we all have our bad days and as my husband would,will,and always says the best is yet to come keep your head up your smile brighter than the day is long and god will see you through the rest

diabetesfree 2011-08-03 08:16:43 -0500 Report

I have had "sleep walking" incidents in the past where I woke up with some crazy, high blood glucose reading, only to find what little was left of a half-gallon of chocolate ice cream in the freezer. My BG usually is more like 600 those times though. I'm pretty sure it happens to all of us, on occasion. About the only way to avoid it is to not have any "bad" food in the house to begin with, which is pretty much impossible unless you live alone.

mommafish 2011-08-03 10:36:55 -0500 Report

oh no… when i was on ambin i would sleep walk and eat all the time got so bad i got off it so far the highest my sugar has ever gotten is 289 I have pretty much all "good" food in the house but he brought the dang candy bar in the house and put in the fridg and thats how i love them. worst thing was he had to go get him another one lol

GabbyPA 2011-08-03 07:43:26 -0500 Report

The thing that is good about this (yes, there is a good side) is that you recognize what you are doing. Now the trick is to find a way to stop it before it gets to become a habit. If it happens once in a while, then it will not be the death of you, but if it just becomes what you choose to do, then there is trouble.

We all have days where we just don't want to care about it. We want to skip that meal or eat that candy bar. I like what Harlen said..."Was it good?" Laugh at it, deal with it and move on. You will do fine.

Teresa Rose
Teresa Rose 2011-08-02 23:55:39 -0500 Report

My daughter is bipolar and suffers with depression. I can't even imagine how bad it would be for her if she had diabetes as well. My prayers are with you dear girl. If you ever need someone to talk to you can always feel free to leave me a message. I'm a really good listener & I may be able to help you sometimes! Bless You. There is nothing wrong with having a candy bar once in a while.

mommafish 2011-08-03 10:32:17 -0500 Report

yes it is hard dealing with these two things and i do pretty well but those up all night days are the hardest ur in a fog all day but i will move on from yesterday and do better today

Teresa Rose
Teresa Rose 2011-08-05 00:27:49 -0500 Report

I think you are a beautiful person & One thing that you do have going for you in all of this is that you know and acknowledge that you are bipolar. I know my daughter is bipolar but she would never admit she had problems. When she started going through puberty she started sleep waking and sleep eating. She also had night terrors quite frequently. It was extremely scary. We were told not to wake her unless we had to. She would have melt downs just out of the blue for no reason. Sometimes a certain smell would trigger her outburst. She had her first child when she was 14. Boy was I surprized, she was always a tomboy or so I thought. She has finally after all of thease years realized she was bipolar & she is finally getting care for it. She is a warm & caring person and everybody loves her that meets her. They don't know about her secret. I wish I could give you a big hug. We dealt with our daughter with love. The more she acted up the more we loved her. Love is something that always helped her. Bless You - Teresa Rose

Harlen 2011-08-02 23:09:44 -0500 Report

Was the candy bar good ????
I know when I do it they are so goooooooood.
Look you cant beat your self up every time you have a little ooouppps
fretting over it like your doing will only make your BS go up.
You are forgiven now forgive your self ok?
Best wishes

My1vendetta 2011-08-02 22:25:31 -0500 Report

I had a very similar day, also bipolar ..also up all nite. Its hard dealing w multiple issues like this..but we can't be angry w ourselves!!! We just have have faith that things Will get better if we work at them & not let it get the best of us!!! Keep ur head up…advice I need to take Myself ..I hope that I'm not bein intrusive … O:-)

runthe 2011-08-02 22:12:25 -0500 Report

There is nothing wrong with venting. I head that it is better to let out all of that frustrations then keeping it in..

mommafish 2011-08-03 10:39:52 -0500 Report

Thanks for the kind words

lilsista39 2011-08-03 12:19:49 -0500 Report

You know what also helps me when I've had it up to my eyeballs with all the whatnots and bs around here I tend to scream into a pillow real loud because we dont allow ane cussing in the house what so ever cause of the babies in the house they dont need to hear it to repeat it

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