missing out

By mona70277 Latest Reply 2011-07-22 23:53:45 -0500
Started 2011-07-15 13:00:15 -0500

my children all decided that our summer getaway would be tto go camping.we havent done this for about 3yrs. my neuropothy really limits the amount of physical activity that i am able to participate in as well as the amount of physical activity that i am willing to participate in for fear of how much pain i will be in after the activity. as we sat together planning our activities for our adventure my heart raced and the tears just started to flow…our list of activities included hiking,bike riding,nature walks,a nature scavenger hunt,bike riding, swiming,volley ball,and a half mile jog. i have lost alot of muscle due to my conditions and cant even perform some of my daily tasks without suffering. i cant just stop interacting with my children,but how do i interact with them if i dont push myself to do the things that they are interested in? im going to push myself to do the activities that they have chosen but i fear that it will only be a disaster…my doctor has already told me NO for all of those activities.she warned me that participating will only worsen my condition,forcing me to not only let them down on our trip,but also long term. im so tired of missing out and feeling like a bad mom because i cant do everything with my kids that their friends moms do with them !!!!!!!!!!!! i tried to talk them into choosing a different adventure,but when i saw the let down in their faces and realized that they were fighting back tears to not hurt my fellings…i agreed to the trip. they know that i am disabled,but they dont know how extreme it is as i dont let them know when im in pain or sick,i just keep pushing until im in the privacy of my own room. i refuse to break their hearts and cancel our trip!!!! any suggestions on what to do?

8 replies

Mickie G
Mickie G 2011-07-22 23:53:45 -0500 Report

I have a lot more limitations now than I did when
I was first diagnosed with Type 2. I cried alot as things were crossed off my can do list,but I am lucky to have a great support system of family and friends! Ive adjusted by picking places I can reasonably access but will still interest my kids. Here is where the family and friends come in, I choose a friend or family member that likes what we are going to do and invite them. I also let the kids invite 1 friend each and rotate whose turn it is. The family or friend goes and hangs out with the kids during the activities I cant participate in and I watch the baby or do the cooking and enjoy the quiet and then find activities I can do and spend 1 on 1 time with each of my kids.
Its a great way for friends and family who have babies to get out and active! Everyone wins and stays connected. I hope this helps you because it has been a godsend to me and my kids and grand kids.

berrykins0 2011-07-19 14:26:11 -0500 Report

sorry to hear you limited to doing things. i can see why you would be upset that you can't do things with your kids. i wish i could think of something to tell you to help you. but if i can i will.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-07-16 22:15:33 -0500 Report

HI Mona,

I felt very sad when I read your post. I could feel how disappointed you are that you can't participate at the level that you would liike to participate.

Have you talked with your children about your condition? I don't mean giving them all of the medical details. But it might help to first reassure them that you are okay, that you are taking good care of yourself. You might also tell them that you are trying to be as active as possible, but that you can't participate in everythng that they, and the other moms, can do. Remind them that you love them, and want them to enjoy their lives, and you want to enjoy their lives wth them, and that you will participate when you can but that you will have fun watching them have fun. You are still sharing this time together.

And then choose where you can be involved, even sitting on the sidelines, and where you won't be involved but will want to hear all the details. Knowing that you are with them through every step of this experience will mean a lot to them. And kids love to tell stories.

You are a good mom. Your kids are lucky to have you. Taking the best possible care of yourself means that you have that much more to give to them.

Take care,


dfinch 2011-07-15 17:22:43 -0500 Report

Go on the trip and enjoy being with your family. If you can't participate, then give them a camera and have them take pictures. In the evening, let them all tell you what was special about the bike ride or hiking and what they saw. When they do the scavenger hunt, have them bring back the items they find and help them put together a collage. When they go swimming, go and sit in the pool or water and just enjoy the cool relaxing water. You don't have to swim, just be there and have them show you how they can swim, turn flips, jump in, etc. All they want is your attention and there are so may ways to give it to them without having to do the physical exercise. I hope this gives you some ideas. Enjoy your vacation.

leana1967 2011-07-15 13:31:41 -0500 Report

go on this trip and enjoy doing the things you can do and being with your children i don't know how old your children are or were you trip is going to be if swimming is a problem lay out by the pool or on the beach were ever it may, i can relate to the walking and hiking and biking too i have arthritis i may have neuropothy as well along with my diabetes i don't know because a don't know the systems are , all tho i know what it is and what it does to the never endings i can strongly relate to letting your children down you should never fell like a bad mother because you are not try to see if you can introduce them to some things you like and are able to do maybe even a picnic i am also limited on physical activity's hope this helped

Te Ja
Te Ja 2011-07-15 13:22:11 -0500 Report

I have a friend who has MS and his health is declining then he found that he was going to be a dad. He knew someday he would be in a wheel chair. He ask me how can I be a good dad if I can't play or run and and keep up with his soon to child. I told him the most important thing is just being there and letting his child know how much they are loved.

tommy123400 2011-07-15 13:17:06 -0500 Report

I understand the dalema that you are going through. I was in a coma for 31/2 months and lost most of my mobility. The next thing I did with my children was to make our trip a competition with each child and acted as the referee. I would set goals for them to reach and give a prize to the winner. Not only did this take their minds off of my weaknesses, but gave them a chance to compete in a bit of exersize that I couldn't. So I would suggest you try something simular. It may work. Hope you have a great vacation with your children. God bless. tommy

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