crossing the line

By KarieV Latest Reply 2013-01-10 13:53:04 -0600
Started 2011-07-03 06:35:57 -0500

I wish sometimes my friends and family would watch the line they cross and stop being codependents by keep certain foods away from me. I know what i can and can not and should not eat.

27 replies

Godsfavorite 2011-09-11 10:40:07 -0500 Report

It is a frustrating situation, no doubt. I tend not to tell folks that I am diabetic cause I don't want the collateral input! While they think they are being helpful…they are oh so wrong! My boss had a ice cream Sunday setup for us prior to a meeting last week. I chose not to waste my carbs on that deal. Cause they don't know I am diabetic, they think I am being antisocial or really health conscious! I would rather that than the condescending attitude. Oh, and the more well meaning they are, the more condescending it comes across.

robertoj 2011-09-06 04:25:39 -0500 Report

I am lucky because my wife totally believes in me. I have really grown over the last few years and it is important that I make changes in the way I handle my life. Families already have to change when a member has a serious disease; I do not want anyone to make unnecessary disruptions to their lives. I can accept help but I must do what I need to do. If you educate your family about diabetes, their role and your own responsibilities; you shouldn't have too many problems. Of course they will make some mistakes in which case you should calmly and firmly correct them (explaining why) and forgive them. Once you have established your role it will become part of the family dynamic.

Guardianstone 2011-07-04 18:01:45 -0500 Report

I hear you, and understand your frustration. Try inviting them to sit in on one of your visites to this site. I know I had to sit down with my family and have the "talk" with them. I said I would take care of my diet as long as they took care of theirs, or whatever their problems were. We came to an agreement. Be nice, but be firm.

nzingha 2011-07-03 15:35:28 -0500 Report

karieV I know exactly how u feel…I had another bad experience eating out this past week … now I turn down all invitations by family and friends to eat out.. yep made up my mind this week! or I eat before I go… I dont want the pity and I dont want them pushing food at me.. saying ' a little wont kill you'. Yes it will!. I went to lunch. i told the host before that I am diabetic.. would he stop pushing the 6 diff Chinese choice of foods at me.. ? But I was a good girl.. I stuck to my plan.. small amounts and I chose only the veg with 2 table spoons of rice.. I felt really in charge even tho the food looked delicious and mmmmm.. the smell… and then he asked me ' what r u having for desert?'. I said water pls… they all ordered the most delicious, mouth watering bowl of lychee with a big cherry on top dipped in sweet syrup … and with each delicious, mouth watering fruit they sucked and savoured and commented on the taste of each. I sat there and I said… I shall send them that diabetic etiquette list that someone on this site had posted and which I have saved on my computer.. i shall send everyone of them a copy for future reference because I cannot believe that adults can be so insensitive. His last offer was the mints that come after the meal… he placed one right in front of me.. I gently pushed it back towards him.. hoping that the message was received… I doubt it tho! lol!

tabby9146 2011-07-04 11:47:14 -0500 Report

I would like to see that Diabetic Etiquette thing. My husband is ALWAYS saying oh a little won't kill you, or you act like it's going to kill you. GRRRRR. makes me so mad. I have told him that there are lots of things I just want to stay away from completely and others, eat only a small portion of. He keeps saying, but they said in class you can have "everything" just in moderation .Well, they did, but 'everything' is not good for us even in small portions.

nzingha 2011-07-04 12:06:46 -0500 Report

so true.. i will send it to u later . its on my computer at home…

nzingha 2011-07-04 20:29:53 -0500 Report

here it is…posted by another DC member..

And, here are the 10 rules of Diabetes Etiquette in plain text:

1 - DON'T offer unsolicited advice about my eating or other aspects of diabetes. You may mean well, but giving advice about someone's personal habits, especially when it is not requested, isn't very nice. Besides, many of the popularly held beliefs about diabetes ("you should just stop eating sugar") are out of date or just plain wrong.
2 - DO realize and appreciate that diabetes is hard work. Diabetes management is a full-time job that I didn't apply for, didn't want, and can't quit. It involves thinking about what, when, and how much I eat, while also factoring in exercise, medication, stress, blood sugar monitoring, and so much more - each and every day.
3 - DON'T tell me horror stories about your grandmother or other people with diabetes you have heard about. Diabetes is scary enough, and stories like these are not reassuring! Besides, we now know that with good management, odds are good and you can live a long, healthy, and happy life with diabetes.
4 - DO offer to join me in making healthy lifestyle changes. Not having to be alone with efforts to change, like starting an exercise program, is one of the most powerful ways that you can be helpful. After all, healthy lifestyle changes can benefit everyone!
5 - DON'T look so horrified when I check my blood sugars or give myself an injection. It is not a lot of fun for me either. Checking blood sugars and taking medications are things I must do to manage diabetes well. If I have to hide while I do so, it makes it much harder for me.
6 - DO ask how you might be helpful. If you want to be supportive, there may be lots of little things I would probably appreciate your help with. However, what I really need may be very different than what you think I need, so please ask first.
7 - DON'T offer thoughtless reassurances. When you first learn about my diabetes, you may want to reassure me by saying things like, "Hey, it could be worse; you could have cancer!" This won't make me feel better. And the implicit message seems to be that diabetes is no big deal. However, diabetes (like cancer) IS a big deal
8 - DO be supportive of my efforts for self-care. Help me set up an environment for success by supporting healthy food choices. Please honor my decision to decline a particular food, even when you really want me to try it. You are most helpful when you are not being a source of unnecessary temptation.
9 - DON'T peek at or comment on my blood glucose numbers without asking me first. These numbers are private unless I choose to share them. It is normal to have numbers that are sometimes too low or too high. Your unsolicited comments about these numbers can add to the disappointment, frustration, and anger I already feel.
10 - DO offer your love and encouragement. As I work hard to manage diabetes successfully, sometimes just knowing that you care can be very helpful and motivating.

mysticalrose53 2011-07-03 15:10:04 -0500 Report

yes I know how you feel.The girls I work with do that to me as well,I know they mean well as the have seen me go down with very low Bs a few weeks ago.Now they make sure I have had a snack,make me go to lunch on time etc.Working in a nursing home sometimes you cant just eat on time,but they sure do make me…Good to have such good friends

chucha 2011-07-03 18:07:41 -0500 Report

I know how you feel also. My co-workers are good to me also but sometimes too good. If we have a party and there are sweets out, they will tell me that I can't have any. I know what I can and can not have. As my doctor told me, I can have anything I want in moderation and I can account for it. So if I have bite of cake, I will do an extra 30 minutes on the speed cycle. And they make sure that breakfast is between 8-8:30am and that lunch is between 11:30-12:30. I work in a hospital so I relate.

CaliKo 2011-07-03 15:07:01 -0500 Report

Well, we're not happy when they serve something we shouldn't have, and we're not happy when they serve something "diabetic" — what are they to do? They are probably just trying to be considerate, just tell them you have plenty of self-control over what you should and shouldn't have and only you know when you can and when you can't. Good luck.

KarieV 2011-07-03 22:48:28 -0500 Report

That does not always work. I have friends and family who think i am a 43 year old child

Dev 2011-07-04 06:45:29 -0500 Report

My mother always does that but she is my mother. She will think I am a child all her and my life. So I let her say what she says and do whatever I want to do.

As for my husband, I tell him when I do have self control and when I need a bit of controling. So he does whatever is needed most of the times. Same goes with him. He has to tell me when he can manage (and show that he actually does manage) and when me managing him is counterproductive.

They can't see what is going on in our brains so we have to tell them, patiently till we find a balance of control and no control.

KarieV 2011-07-04 19:24:43 -0500 Report

My husband is the only one who doesnt do that. he is really good about it . Just tells me dont complain you do not feel good or your numbers are high if i want to eat or drink something i should not.

Harlen 2011-07-03 14:48:35 -0500 Report

Your so loved.
Be happy and have a light little talk with them OR make something you know you cant have and invite them over and give them some but you have something els ??
That you can have that will show then that you can sey no to anything any time .
Best wishes

granniesophie 2011-07-03 14:44:07 -0500 Report

Hi Karie,
I hear your frustration. Dr. Gary probably has the right answer to this one, but don'tcha wish sometimes you could just smack the cr— outta these people and tell them to just leave you alone??!
There, did you smile just a little bit? OK so now maybe you feel a bit better about it all. Now, go ahead and take care of you.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-07-03 11:56:12 -0500 Report

HI Karie,

I'm sorry to hear that your family is trying to micromanage you. It's frustrating when people treat you like you can't make your own decisions. I just want to throw out an idea. They probably do this out of love. They may be feeling kind of helpless, worried about you and wanting you to be healthy and to know that they care about you. So they are crossing boundaries, but maybe unintentionally. You might want to let them know that you appreciate their concern but can make your own decision about what foods you eat. You might have to calmly and gently say this a few times before it sinks in.

Great to be in touch with you. I hope you are having a good weekend!


KarieV 2011-09-09 20:48:28 -0500 Report

Gary, i know it is out of love but when 3 friends in unison tell you you cant have something and you know you can. it makes me angry. Today one of my friends had a snack well treat , i asked how many carbs . i had 3 people in unison say you cant have that it has chocolate. i said if its 15 carbs yes i can and walked away.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-09-11 09:56:16 -0500 Report

Gosh, Karie. This has to be frustrating. It is never right to patronize someone and make them feel like a misbehaving child. This might be a time to calmly but firmly tell them that you 'know what you are doing and that you don't need any help, thank you very much anyway." So sorry to hear this!

KarieV 2011-07-03 22:50:35 -0500 Report

They know what they are doing. ButMy best friends boyfriend, who i hope one day i can call my brother in law , made me low carb pasta salad, low sugar ketchup and low carb healthy bread for our cookout today. But she told him i do not like splenda l He made a fruit dish that had splenda . I was upset with her and i ate it.