diabetic children

By LBaugh Latest Reply 2011-06-28 12:03:57 -0500
Started 2011-06-27 12:55:10 -0500

Does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with an adult child who has diabetes but does nothing to control it (won't take meds, won't fix healthy meals, won't use his BS monitor, etc). His wife died last Dec and I know he's dealing with that. But ignoring his health will not bring her back. I fix healthy meals when he comes for dinner but that's the only time he eats well. If I get "naggy," he will take his BS when he's here and that's when I get scared and angry for him. It runs 195 to 500.

11 replies

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2011-06-28 12:03:57 -0500 Report

It sounds like you are doing the best he will allow at this time. It is hard to just be there and only do as much as the other person will allow, especially when you have seen what can happen when they decide not to take care of themself. If you push too hard you understand that he will shut you out. So you are trying to keep the door open. Hopefully he will decide to start taking better care of himself and your patience and gentle persistence will help. Please take care of your mental and emotional well being during this hard time. The stress you are facing can take a toll on you.

TrueBeliever 2011-06-28 04:32:38 -0500 Report

I hate to ask this, but before your daughter-in-law passed was she the person who was taking responsibility for your son's health, (diabetes wise)? Was he diagnosed before they were married? If he has never had to pay attention before it may be similar to just being diagnosed now.

GabbyPA 2011-06-28 04:02:15 -0500 Report

Was he taking care of himself before his wife died? If not, then without her, he may feel just like giving up. Uncontrolled diabetes is like slow suicide. Like others have shared, you cannot MAKE him take care of himself. Right now I imagine that is the last thing he wants to do.

Grieving is so personal and different between people. Some people get very self destructive in the process. Usually, if they have a strong support network, they can put out of that. Finding a spark in life may help. Giving him something to do to take his mind of what he is going through. As the happier times become current events and not just past times with his wife, perhaps that will bring on some additional efforts to take care of himself.

The hardest part is having to watch. But that is really all you can do. Until he makes up his mind that he needs to take care, he will just resent efforts to "make" him do so. Love, love, and love. Tough love, not enabling love. That is what will pull him through.

VickieF 2011-06-28 01:09:39 -0500 Report

Maybe you need to find a way to help him deal with the loss of his wife which in turn could give him the will to go on and try to live healthy. You know sometimes the best way to help someone who is grieving is to just listen and don't judge. As a parent I am sure you want to fix everything for him and not see him suffer in any way. Don't nag him about his meds or testing. Gently remind him and leave it at that for the time being. If he doesn't "Hear" you then anything more will not help, but could drive a wedge between you. Continue to fix him those nice healthy meals when he comes over. sometimes the best way to help someone is just to be there.

CaliKo 2011-06-27 13:36:21 -0500 Report

That's a tough one. It's like watching a train wreck and being helpless to stop it. Grief counseling maybe? Does he have children that he needs to be strong for? You have my thoughts and prayers.

LBaugh 2011-06-27 15:24:41 -0500 Report

No, they didn't have children and any mention of any type of counseling is met with silence and a stare. I appreciate your prayers. God will have to intervene. His poser can change anyone and anything.

Roy531 2011-06-27 13:24:52 -0500 Report

I don't know of any way you can get your child to do what he does not want to do. I had a good friend that was like that, he took his insulin but that was all, he didn't even own a meter and ate and drank what ever he wanted and just thought the shot would take care of everything. unfortunately he died from his not wanting to take control, don't want to scare you. He may have to wake up in the hospital before he realizes that he needs to do something about it. That friend of mine had no feeling in his feet but just blew it off, didn't take it as a warning to take better care of himself. I wish I had some words of wisdom that could change his mind but I don't
Maybe somebody here may know something I don't. A person has to have the want too, to get the help he needs or to do what is good for his health.


LBaugh 2011-06-27 15:17:48 -0500 Report

Unfortunately I know you're right. It seems to run in the family. My sister died 3 years ago from diabetic complications and, because of that, I know what can happen to him. She did what your friend did…ate what she wanted and took insulin. That's it. Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it.

Next Discussion: Walk to cure diabetes »