so its bbeen awhile but im updating everyone

By t0tianna Latest Reply 2011-06-23 23:14:09 -0500
Started 2011-06-23 13:19:01 -0500

last time i wrote a disscussion things were horribly bad off and they still are around here it seems like me and my mom will never get along and no matter how hard we try it wont work
recently i was checked into a mental hospital because i was going crazy here at home
i now have a community councler and a social worker who will help me fight through theese struggles
i got diagnosed with bipolar and depression and im on medications that help alot out in my life now
my mom always had to say idk why they put you on meds your not depressed
and i responded with how do you know what im feeling withthin
life is still hard and right now im at the point where i could sink or swim in what i do
school was too much for me it was partial reason i got checked into the mental hospital i couldn't deal with the taunting and bullying for another three years
and plus i failed again this year so i decided to drop out and im going for my GED
and i going to try and persue my dream in cosmotology when my mom herd this this only made things worse at home but its a whole nother ball game
im about to be 18 years old
im trying to find a job
get my liscense
get a used car
grab my GEd and hopfully not get pulled back to anything lower than what i was
the thing that scares me with my GEd is that my mom doesn't want to bring me to the school twice a week for 4 hours a day for my GED classes because going to work and then coming home for an hour and bringing me to school is just to much for her to handle
so where will this life lead me?
it would be alot easier if i wasn't so afriade
things are extreamly hard right now and the more i think about it the worse my depression is and also i learned that depression does severly interfer with your blood sugar levels and makes things out of wack
im still fat as hell
i get ridiculed every day by the ones i love for beain over weight
but all i can do is pray and try and hold my head high
and i try ever so hard not to look back
so do i find faith or hope anywhere in my life
defently not im alone in this fighting one day at a time
hopfully things will work out for me
~pray love and live~
its the best you can do

4 replies

damian676 2011-06-23 23:14:09 -0500 Report

Hey there. You sound like me at your age. I was halfway through my junior year of highschool when I noticed something very wrong with my body. I was experiencing a constant and sharp pain in my stomach and constantly passing out in classes. I was always hungary and thirsty. I also began losing weight dramatically. Unfortunately, I didn't care much due to the complete hopelessness and just plain hurt I was feeling. I've always been a little off and estranged from everyone, but it definitely turned negative around this time. Anyway, I left school and immediately got my G.E.D. Shortly after I was in college. That didn't last long mostly due to how I was still feeling horrible physically and mentally. Soon my Dad talked me into seeing a doctor which resulted in me being rushed to the hospital a few days later for extremely high blood sugar. That was in January of 1998.
Now, about 13 years later, i'm almost back where I started which brought me here looking for help. I'm struggling to keep up with this life. I've sacrificed way too much and I feel like I'm at the end of the line. Which is why I'm replying to your post. After reading it, I had to send you some support. You're not alone and there are people who can understand. I admire you for being able to share your life with us. That right there is a big accomplishment and you should hold your head high. It's never easy for me to open up especially about my conditions. I haven't even told anyone in the last 5 years that I'm diabetic! Most importantly, I wanted to tell you that you have to stay strong and positive. Make everyday count and live it like it's your last. There will constantly be people complicating your life, usually those close to you, but you have to stay focused on the goals you have and taking care of yourself. There's a lot of mistakes I made so far on this trip, but three that stick out to me now because I don't want you to end up like me. You're young and still have a lot of life to live. 1. Do not just accept your problems, physical or mental. This is YOUR LIFE! Take control. If something or someone is hindering or even preventing your progress, find alternatives. Never just accept anything in this life. There's always more than one way to do things. Get out and find them and use what's best for you. 2. Surround yourself with like-minded people. One thing that has always killed me is wasting my time and energy with the wrong people. People are funny creatures. We can be your best-friend when we need something and then forget you when we're satisfied and move onto the next victim. A true friend is invaluable. Someone who cares about you for you and will be there for you. It's like running a sucessfull business. Build yourself a solid and positive support team including your healthcare team. We all run into obstacles, but trust me they're infinitely more difficult alone. 3. Do not let yourself get overwhelmed. It seems to be just another part of life, but for those of us that have the addition of a debilitating condition; it's so much harder. Find an outlet for all the negative stuff. I use my music and working out. Anything is better than nothing.
Ultimately, I just want you to know my thoughts are with you. Things will get better.

jayabee52 2011-06-23 20:57:41 -0500 Report

Howdy Heather, welcome back! Good to see you back!
Sounds like you have it rough, but you seem to have thought through many of the things you need to do. The Ged sounds like a good idea. Do you have any other friends or family who could take you to classes? Are there public busses in your area? If so, perhaps you could take those. Ask your social worker and your counselor for other ideas.

I was bullied when I was in jr hi and high school and the other kids made fun of me. I want you to know that life gets a little less troubled from your peers the older you get. Generally speaking I had no more problem with my peers after graduating from high school. People are generally more mature than that out there in the world of adults. That's not to say that everything will be smooth sailing from now on, but a lot of the adolescent drama won't be there like it was in HS or jrHS.

You say you are "ridiculed every day by the ones I love" for your weight problem.
I don't know whether these are family or friends. I don't know what they are saying to you. I wonder if these people are expressing concern over your weight because they love you and are you understanding their concern as ridicule? When its such an personally painful topic as one's weight even concern may sound like ridicule to someone who is very sensitive.

Know that you are in my prayers for strength and health both of body and mind.


spiritwalker 2011-06-23 20:47:37 -0500 Report

Know you aren't alone,even if it feels that way at times. Keep coming back.
this is one place where you can share what you are going through and we will
listen. My prayers are with you.

Harlen 2011-06-23 18:32:15 -0500 Report

i am so glad your back I for one am glad your ko if not great
pleast keep me posted on how your doing
Best wishes

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