Seeking some help and support

By flyinhi Latest Reply 2011-06-19 10:14:15 -0500
Started 2011-06-15 17:15:33 -0500

This is my first day here and I need help! In a nutshell, I'm a wreck and this will be the most honest I've ever been.

I've been a Type I diabetic since 1987 and have never been a very complaint patient.

In 2005 I had my first heart attack, complete with the placement of 2 stents.
In 2006 I had my second heart attack, a blood clot between the two stents.
In 2008 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and won
In 2010 I had a 3rd stent placed

Also, I've been battling my thyroid since I was 16 years old, along with a myriad of other things that tend to keep me on my toes…lol.

The dumbest thing of all is that I smoke and I'm overweight. I'm well aware that I'm an idiot and I do want/need to change, yet I lack the energy to do so.

I want to know if anyone else out there has ever hit rock bottom like I have and what did you do about it? I feel so very out of control and truly hate myself. I know I'm killing myself one day at a time, yet that doesn't seem to be enough to motivate me. I've been divorced for a year, so on one hand I really want to go out there and enjoy being single…on the other hand, I just don't care. It seems as if I've been fighting (health wise) for so long, and I just don't want to anymore.

Thoughts? Opinions? Advice?? All are welcome…let me have it. Thank you in advance for your replies. :)

42 replies

Marytea 2011-06-19 10:14:15 -0500 Report

Sparklepenny had a good response. First of all welcome. It helps to look at diabetes positively. It will make you healthier than ever before. Yes, it can be scary, but with diet and exercise, you will be better. If you aren't a person of faith or if you are and have walked away for whatever reason, please find a place of spiritual comfort and community. It makes a difference. I am Catholic and also direct our food pantry. These things keep my mind and hands busy.

1creekindian 2011-06-18 13:20:05 -0500 Report

first off let me say I'm sorry you are going through such a hard life. 2nd, let me say, the way you are feeling, lack of energy, lack of self motivation, lack of all things, YOU, have to change your outlook on life. You cannot do everything at once, it sounds to me you need to change your eating habits first, try little things, get with a recipe group for low carb eating. try different things, some things you may not like, others you may. when you do find the things you like, eat them, in small portions, when I say small portions, use a salad plate instead of a regular plate, eat a half sandwich instead of a whole one. when you get your eating under control, start with the next thing, excercise, I would suggest walking only at first until you get where you can do 3 miles, and feel confortable with that, then change it up, walk 4 times a week and then do weight lifting, machines, or what ever you think you may like, GET A BUDDY, walk with her or him, it is a lot more fun and time consumming when you have someone with you, get an I-POD, listen to fast paceed music, act like a fool, dance to the music while walking, skipping.

but changing your mind a little at a time is the first thing you need to do, if you try changing everything all at once YOU will stop doing all of it. I pray you can get started and stick with it. YES it is hard, but you can do it. :-)

flyinhi 2011-06-18 13:36:43 -0500 Report

Thank you for the advice and the encouragement, and I know you are right. I appreciate you suggesting a place to start, right now I'm just feeling so very overwhelmed. I do have an iPod that I use when I walk, it sure does help :)

JoleneAL 2011-06-17 12:47:41 -0500 Report

In regard to your Thyroid issue, I found great support and help on the forum I would suggest a visit there if you haven't already found it. I had my thyroid removed in 2000 and it was through the support I found there I was able to kick my doc to the curb, find a new one and obtain the correct medication for me. Good Luck (hugs)

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-06-16 19:41:58 -0500 Report


It's great to meet you. I am glad that you are part of the incredibly supportive community on Diabetic Connect.

You are really a survivor! But you have also been through a lot, with your health and in other areas of your life. I hope that you are giving yourself a lot of credit for facing some of live's most stress-producing challenges,.

But it also sounds like are emotionally drained, as any human being would be. And you are putting yourself down, calling yourself dumb.

I am not surprised that you feel like you don't have any energy. Have you asked your doctor for some gudance on stopping smoling and working on your weight? There are lot of products to help you on the smoking side. Smoking and weight control are one day at a time. Change doesn't happen overnight. Cut yourself some slack, you have been through a lot. Reach out for some help and advice.

You have come a long way. So how do you turn that energy around so that you can get moving forward again?

It might help to talk to a counselor who can help you get a new perspective on your life. Maybe it's time to learn some new coping skills to help cope with thie challenges and disapointments that you have been faced with. It's time to reach out for help. I would encourage you to consider reaching out to a mental health professional in your area who can help you. Also, have you looked into support groups?

It seems to me that having more emotional support, bringing more caring people into your life, would make a big difference.

Are you involved in any religious or spiritual practices? This might also add to your life right now.

Work on your self-talk. Talk back to those defeating messages. Remind yourself that you have been through a lot, that you are doing the best you can, that you have a lot of strengths that have helped you to get this far.

Don't set yourself up to beat yourself up. Again, change is one step at a time. Take a baby step first, and then build on that.

And stay in touch with your friends on Diabetic Connect. As you can see by the many responses that you have received, you are part of a really supportive group of people.

Keep us posted!


flyinhi 2011-06-18 13:37:54 -0500 Report

Your post overwhelms me…every time I read it, I cry. That's all I can say right now…thank you :)

sewinggranny 2011-06-16 13:27:17 -0500 Report

Wow reading all these stories makes me want to try even harder to get my sugar under control! Makes me realize how lucky I am I have not had a heart attack, no problems with my feet or eyes can still drive and mow my grass so I realize I am very fortunate. I just need to get my sugar and weight under control and exercise. I have been watching what I eat today and checking my sugar more and even though it was not great when I got up (180) its better then its been for a long time. Ate lunch and just checked it and its 96 so I am on the right track, I figure I will add one thing each day, doing my insulin and checking sugar today ,tomorrow I will start walking on my treadmill each day I am going to try to do something new to keep me in control I can tell the support and receipes here are going to really help me. Thanks for everyone being here for each other and I will do all I can to encourage also. We can all do this one step at a time. Carolyn

marla50 2011-06-16 09:11:26 -0500 Report

Wow!This is so bizzare. I just finished writing a similar post. I have had diabetes since 1966. My mom took exceptional care of me but when the teens hit,it all went to hell. When I was pregnant, I was an exceptional diabetic. The other times,not so much. I always took my insulin,I tried to eat right and get exercise but I drank. My husband was killed in 89 and that really sent me in the bottle.
So let's compare complications. I have neuropathy,heart disease,retinopathy,thyroid,frozen shoulders and something in my arms and hands I don't know the name for. I had my first heart attack in 9/09 with one stint. 2/10 I caught before a heart attack because the stink clogged-2 stints. I just caught another one before a heart attack 5 days ago-1 stint.
I almost went blind I've had 3 laser surgeries on my eyes and I'm not done yet.
Both my shoulders are frozen,they want to put me under and unfreeze them. Then I shouldn't be able to use my hands because the nerve endings are fryed. They want to do surgery before I loose all use of my hands. The muscles are deteriorating.I can't have the surgery because I can't be without my plavix for 5 days.
I don't drink anymore (thank God). And I have alot better control of my diabetes. But I too am over weight. Don't smoke,hate smoking. Have very little tolerence for it. My mom smokes and I live with her so I spend most of the time in my room.
Ok,this is my take. Be honest have you really been "fighting" for so long. Or were u like me and u didn't give a sh** then.
I don't know about you but my heart attack hurt like he**. I don't want to have another one. Cigerettes will cause another one. Maybe u can reflect back to that pain when you light up one and put it out.
I care now but it's to little to late. There are alot more complications out there. Are you willing to subject yourself to those. Have you lost your teeth yet? Is your hair falling out? Come on sister! Your to young to give up! Get out there and enjoy the single life. To bad u don't live in Indiana, we'd go out and enjoy it I wish you the best and if you ever want to talk, I'm here

flyinhi 2011-06-16 11:10:14 -0500 Report

Wow…you've really been through it!!! And you are right, there have been many points (like now) that I wasn't fighting, just existing, not caring anymore. I know I need to snap out of it, but it seems that for every step I take forward, I take two backwards, then I'm back to not caring anymore. Thank you so much for the input.

And if I'm ever in Indiana, it's a deal!!! :)

TrueBeliever 2011-06-16 05:07:50 -0500 Report

I'm so sorry to hear about all of your health problems! I'm lucky in that Diabetes hasn't been too terrible for me yet. No heart attacks yet, Thank God! Of course I have had other problems, one of which was smoking, but I'm still hangin' in there. I have to admit that quitting smoking is hard! I used to say, "I know I can quit I've done it a hundred times!" I began smoking when I was 12. But I guess the last straw was when my Orthapedic Surgeon told me that my neck didn't have as much of a chance of healing after surgery if I didn't quit smoking. I finally did, but it wasn't day-by-day. It was one moment at a time. You don't just make a decision. You have to keep making that decision over and over and keep reminding yourself of the reasons why you can't give up. I think it's beenabout 6 years now, but I stopped counting.

I'm just guessing on this but I think it's probably similar with over eating. My weight has fluctuated but I think it's under control.

I've been through divorce and it sucks! I have a wonderful husband, we've been together almost 10 years. I did finally find my prince, but I had to kiss a lot of frogs! I was married and divorced 3 times before I met my husband. I had one who was a drinker/beater and another who was a cheater who, after being caught, thought we should all just be friends, (her too). Like a lot of people I've hit rock-bottom so many times I've got bruises on my butt. From the sound of it you have too. You're not done yet. If you were you wouldn't still be here. We're all weak in one way or another. If we weren't we wouldn't have needed to be saved. I know Jesus didn't go through all that for no reason! Reach up with one hand and take His hand. Then reach up with the other hand for us. We might not all be here at once but we'll take turns…Now PULL!

You don't have to do this alone! I believe we each have a purpose in this life.
We don't get to leave until we're done. Your purpose could be something wonderful, it could even be something nobody has ever done before! I don't have to have met you to know you're someone special. He didn't make any of us that wasn't!

Tender Tips
Tender Tips 2011-06-17 00:09:15 -0500 Report

Well-said. I love the part about having to make the decision over and over again to do the right thing and that it can be not just day to day but moment to moment. Would like to snap my fingers and have all this go away but we just have to keep picking ourselves back up and carrying on!

cheetah1976 2011-06-16 13:38:40 -0500 Report

You sound so much like me. Were you married to my first three husbands? LOL I believe this web-site is to help and encourage each other. It is nice that people can relate to your struggles and give advice on experience. God bless

flyinhi 2011-06-16 11:03:07 -0500 Report

Thank you…What a positive message to share and I truly appreciate it!!! I won't take your words lightly, although I'd really like to know what my purpose is…lol. I'm going to start pulling!

Maui wisper
Maui wisper 2011-06-16 00:05:36 -0500 Report

Hi flyin,
I think i hit rock bottom when I had my heart attac and had quad bypass surgery. ( Im sure you remember the pain. How can anyone forget that pain? )
Me, complaint ? Oh Please, i was to busy having fun, eating all the good tasting foods… bad things happen to "Other people" not me. right ?
It really was not the loss of two toes or the loss of my right leg. It was not when i had to use a wheelchairfor 4 yrs, and no longer could drive. It was not evan when I gained over a 150 lbs. Nope not when I lost every friend I had, I really think it was when i had my open heart surgery. I think it was the fact that I would leave my 2 kids with out a Mom my sisters without a younger sister to nag and my husband without a wife. Yes I think it was than… well maybe not…Shit The Dr. wanted me to stop smoking after smoking for over 40 yrs ? ! Oh hell no !! There is no way on Gods green earth I can stop smoking ! I enjoy my ciggaretts !
They taste sooo good. smoking a cigg first thing when i wake up and after every meal…Those are the best ones…Oh and when im stressed out ! A Big mac and Fries…Oh they were my best friends. Along with my ciggaretts of course ! But How i hated myself when i was so full … I will start my diet tomorrow for sure…
I hated myself for gaining so much weight.
Well it will catch up with you…But please dont try to diet !! Change the way you eat. one step at a time… I also quit smoking with "Chantex" It was so easy to quit. Oh I was married first time at 19 yrs old & divorced when i was just 21 yrs old. He thought it was fun to get drunk and beat me up. But a few yrs later i met my 2nd hubby and have been married for 27 yrs. I understand where your comming from… Please feel free to e mail anytime. small
Hugs & Aloha to you…Carolyn ~

flyinhi 2011-06-16 08:36:32 -0500 Report

Your story brought tears to my eyes…you are such a strong woman!!! I was married at 18, divorced by 21, he was very physical with me to, resulting in the loss of our baby. I remarried at 25 and divorced last year, he also wasn't the kindest man in the world. I do know that if I ever get seriously involved with anyone again, he will have to be supportive of me, I'm tired of being with people that just don't get it.

I've tried to quit smoking so many times, then I start thinking "I'll never get to smoke again for the rest of my life" and I panic. What an assinine way to think, right? Considering that every smoke I take literally shortens my life…lol

Thank you so very much for sharing your incredible story…it means a lot to me. :)

Maui wisper
Maui wisper 2011-06-16 14:04:09 -0500 Report

Hoi Flying,
I 100% understand about smoking…Please just talk to your Dr about Chantex. You can still smoke on the first week your on it. after that the craving kind of goes away.
I did smoke sometimes while on chantex. Me in my wheelchair going up the road to the closest store to buy a pack. I would sit away from the store and smoke.
than leave the pack minus a few on a bench. ( No way I could bring the pack home) I did this for about a month few days a week..Than ihe craving just stoped. I just stoped thinking about it. after a while I did try a cigg fromn my sister. it really tasted gross ! And you will notice the extra $$ you have !
I smoked misty 120's. I smile when i see that $8.75 a pack sign at wal-mart.
and I smoked a pack a day. Please keep in touch… Aloha

Harlen 2011-06-15 21:51:29 -0500 Report

You have gone thrue the grinder and I was thinking I had gone thrue it .
We never give up no matter what ,work hard on getting and keeping your #'s right
Ok I am just a man that is happy with my wife so this is not a come on that sed
You are way to HOT to take your self off the market .
There is a person out there that would thank there stars for having you.
Thats not me being nice iether.
Best wishes

flyinhi 2011-06-16 08:30:23 -0500 Report

Thank you for your post, and I think getting the numbers down will HAVE to be my first priority. I'm trying very hard not to give up, but it's been a real struggle, especially with everything else that's been going on.

As far as being hot…well that was very sweet of you to say, and I appreciate the compliment. Thank you :)

Teresa Rose
Teresa Rose 2011-06-15 20:29:51 -0500 Report

YOU ARE SPECIAL!!! Afterall how many people have gone through what you have gone through & are still here to talk about it? Not many. You are a survivor in more ways than one & I am so proud of you & your strength. You are such an awesome example to others that are facing the same issues. Live your life & be happy & use your experiences to help others that you can encourage.
My daughter had a baby a couiple of years ago & during my grandsons birth she had
a aortic disection which caused a cardiomyapathy. She was feeling really bad & she wasn't herself at all at the hospital. They sent her & the baby home not knowing what had happened. She was feeling bad still so a couple of days later when she came back to the hospital to bring the baby for his newborn test her husband made her go to the ER & they discovered the cardiomyapathy & put her in the hosp. but they didn't discover the disection. They kept her a couple of days, put her on meds & sent her home. She missed out on those 2 days with her newborn & had to give up nursing him. The next day when she went home she had a heart attack in front of the kids & her husband & his family. The ambulance was right down at the end of her street & were there within minutes. They had to shock her 3 times to bring her back. They took her to her hospital where they places stents in her heart & when the doctor was placing the stents he discovered the disection in her aorta. They rushed her to the heart hospital where they did emercency open heart surgery and did a triple bypass on her. She was only 30 yrs. old and survived with only 35 percent of her heart good.
Now she has a pacemaker also which has helped improve her heart. She is so happy to be alive and to be able to raise her children. She has gone back to teaching now & has her own classroom at a daycare. She decided that she knows she could die at anytime but she is going to live, live, live. And she is going to enjoy her life & make the best of it. SHE IS SPECIAL - she shares her experience with everyone & uses it to help others. YOU ARE SPECIAL and your life is important and has meaning. Live, Live, Live & make the best of your life. - Bless you - You are an inspiration - Teresa Rose

flyinhi 2011-06-15 20:55:18 -0500 Report

What an amazing story!!! Thank you so very much for sharing it. I tend to have the same attitude as your daughter, for the most part, but confess that I've been struggling emotionally the past few months.

Your post made me cry…it's been a very long time since anyone has said those words to me…you'll never know deeply you've touched me. THANK YOU!!! God bless you!! :)

jayabee52 2011-06-15 19:45:26 -0500 Report

Howdy flyinhi WELCOME to DC

Why would I want to "let me have it" (as you say). You're doing a pretty good job of beating yourself up all by yourself. Bring your griefs and battles here. The folks here at DC are a group of folks who know what it feels like to be in a place like you are in your life. I have made stupid non-complient decisions. I think most everyone has made decisions which weren't the best for them.

So with all this honesty, what are you going to do about it?

IMHO put thoughts of romance on the back burner. I just lost a very dear woman, "Jem" in July 2010. She had been my beloved bride for about 1.5 years when she passed. When I took up with her, I knew she was "circling the drain" so her passing was not a surprise. She was one who also had multiple medical challenges. I had hoped that we would have had more time together. But life is what it is. And I have had thoughts of looking for another like her, but I not only have my diabetes control to worry about, but now my kidneys are acting up and I may need to go on dialysis. So I need to address that now. Jem came along when the time was right. I expect that another lady will be in my future in the right time.

So now you have taken a good look at yourself, and don't like what you see, what can you do to change the picture?

I have my ideas, but I don't want to foist my agenda upon you. You might work on getting you Blood Glucose readings where you would like. Or you could choose to quit smoking, Like Harlen is doing see:

Or some other thing having to do with your heart.

The main thing is to focus on one battle at a time, and take baby steps to get it done. Once you are well on your way to getting that one thing completed, then you can start with another challenge.

I pray that you overcome all your challenges in due time.


sewinggranny 2011-06-15 19:58:05 -0500 Report

Looks like all of us have problems. I am 62 and even though my sugar is not in control in a lot of ways I am very blessed. I have a wonderful husband, my cats, a relationship with God (and I lean on him very heavy at times!) and the only real problem I have is my sugar that is why I thought I would try an online support group. I hope it will give me the encouragement I need to get myself on track and eating right. I am going to start with one thing at a time checking my sugar more often and making sure I take my insulin as often as I should. In fact I am going to check my sugar in just a few minutes. Carolyn

flyinhi 2011-06-15 19:57:15 -0500 Report

Thank you James, I truly appreciate the pep talk. I know that baby steps are the way to go, but I'm feeling so very overwhelmed and just don't know quite where to start. I know I must get my BG readings under control first and foremost. I always feel like a scolded child with a bad report card when they are high, so I tend not to check them as I should.

I'm so sorry to hear about your Jem :( I thank you for sharing it with me, I'm sure it wasn't easy. She was a lucky woman to have you for as long as she did.

sewinggranny 2011-06-15 19:40:47 -0500 Report

I am new here also its my first day to and have had type two diabeties for 3 years, my A1C is over 10 my weight is about 300 and I am only 5'4'' so as you can tell I am a mess also. I am lucky in one respect I am married to a wonderful man and have been for 43 years and he supports me but I love to eat. My sister 2 years ago had gastric bypass and has lost over a 100 pounds but I do not want to go that route I know I am out of control also and I know I have got to get this under control. Every day I say I will start exercising and every day I find an excuse not to. I have sleep apnea, plus high blood pressure, and other problems. I know I need to do better but I love to eat and that is my biggest problem. Maybe we can encourage each other I have put off seeing my endocrinology doctor for about a year but I have an appointment next week and I am going and be honest and face the music. Will pray that you do well and keep me posted and I will do the same. Maybe we can give each other ideas of things to eat!!

Tender Tips
Tender Tips 2011-06-17 00:18:17 -0500 Report

Good luck with your appointment and getting back on track. So many of us are facing the same struggles. You deserve to feel good. Remember those baby steps-maybe just start with 5-10 minutes of exercising. Then pat yourself on the back!

cheetah1976 2011-06-16 13:48:54 -0500 Report

I also deal with the same struggle. I love to eat and too many of the wrong foods. I am 5'4 241lbs. I had the lap-band but still find it hard to lose weight. I was hoping to be off insulin and be under 200 lbs by now. I still make wrong choices everyday. I have been a diabetic for 20 years and have never had an A1C under 7.5. This web site has given me so much support and encouragement.

sewinggranny 2011-06-17 12:02:50 -0500 Report

I do not think gastric bypass or the lap band is for me I did good yesterday on what I ate and taking my insulin and I am trying to do good today. For a snack I did eat two 3 ounce cups of ice cream which was 22 carbs a little over what a snack is supposed to be. Still I am doing a lot better then I was and my sugar is showing it. It was 143 this morning that is a lot better then 300!! I think the support and reading how others are doing is a great support and help for me I realize that is going to be a life long struggle for me.

sewinggranny 2011-06-17 12:49:44 -0500 Report

Thanks I need help, but I am taking my meds and my insulin like I am supposed to and I know that is helping also. This site has been a Godsend I did not realize there with so many people with diabeties. Helps to know we have the support.

flyinhi 2011-06-15 20:03:17 -0500 Report

Thank you for sharing your story sg…we do seem to have much in comon indeed. I also manage to find an excuse every day not to excersize. I envy you the support of your husband, I didn't have that while I was married. I toyed with the idea of having some sort of gastric procedure, but recently changed my mind for a myriad of reasons.

I haven't seen my endocrinologist for over 2 years because I know he will lecture me and I don't need to hear from him what a loser I am…lol. I realize that I need to go back, but I keep telling myself that once I get my BG readings under control, then I'll go. You can see how well that is working out!!

I'd be glad to exchange support, ideas and recipes with you. In the meantime, keep your chin up!!! :)

Tender Tips
Tender Tips 2011-06-17 00:24:23 -0500 Report

Remember that the health professionals are there to help you and should not be scolding you. We are only human for goodness sake-they are not perfect either! I just lost my dad recently and yesterday made appointments with dentist, eye doctor and primary care as well as lab work. I am nervous due to my weight and BS numbers but am trying to be open to whatever help they can give. Losing a parent has kind of opened my eyes to the importance of taking care of myself. I'm still nervous though! Hang in there!

jayabee52 2011-06-15 19:54:15 -0500 Report

Howdy Sewinggranny WELCOME to DC!

There are a lot of wonderful people who can make good suggestions for many challenges that we may have.

Blessings to you and yours!


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