I was attending a class through Kaiser for those who are exploring bariatric surgery and part of that process was determining the level of commitment needed to take such a drastic step. To determine the level of commitment we were asked what are our core values and how does revealing those personal objectives in life impact the consideration of such a step.
The exercise surprised me in that It felt like I had forgotten or failed to fully recognize the fact that I had been ignoring much of what is important to me at a very deep level. The difficulties of the economy and trying to cope with unemployment had taken its toll in causing me to run on autopilot with regard to my health. The problem was that my autopilot was taking far off the course towards those things that I hold most dear. I had fallen into bad habits and excused the lapses both consciously and unconsciously. Consciously I could see how disrupted patterns of daily activities arising from the need to respond to the urgency of looking for work had compromised my ability to properly discipline my eating and exercise habits. Unconsciously, estrangement from my family and hiding out due to the effect on my pride and confidence had slowly eaten away at me until my poor health aligned with my poor self image.
In taking a renewed approach to my diabetes, I have found myself feeling more positive and enthusiastic about improving my health. Yet, until this morning I did not recognize how far I had strayed from the core values that have always guided me. My dilemma is that I have been hiding so long that I am uncertain how to find my way back to myself and my family. My wife and I talked about counseling tonight and that feels like it has some potential.
However, I am yearning for some connection with others that may help listen and possibly guide me in dealing with some of these emotional issues. I have never belonged to a chat or discussion group before, but in looking at some of the discussions, I am wondering if this might prove to be a means for that support. I don't know if there is a less public means for creating and maintaining such connections rather than holding a discussion like this one.
If someone could help me understand how I might reach out and gain some support in this area, I would greatly appreciate it.