Feeling like a prisoner

cherokee925
By cherokee925 Latest Reply 2011-05-11 20:48:03 -0500
Started 2011-05-10 22:04:41 -0500

In dealing with sixth nerve palsy I feel like a prisoner trapped in my own house having to depend on my family for taking me every where right now. I see how tired my husband is everything falls on him right now in picking up our granddaughter from school to going to the store. There are days that I feel like I am going over the edge I am all most better but not quite there yet. It is so hard and I feel that no one understands where I am at right now I feel totally lost.


6 replies

jayabee52
jayabee52 2011-05-11 19:43:57 -0500 Report

My bride Jem was totally blind (since 14) and I was responsible for the majority of her care. She did as much as she could with all the "medical challenges" she had (DMt2, CHF, COPD, Lupis (SLE), RA, GERD, and others. So I experienced it from your husband's perspective. Gabby spoke the truth. I took on her care willingly because I loved Jem. And she was worried I'd get tired of her care. But she let me know just how much she appreciated what I did for her. I wish we would have had longer than 2.5 years together, because she made me feel so appreciated and valued by her.

I had a previous marriage of 25 yrs from which my (ex) wife divorced me.

She was able to do a lot more than Jem could, but SLiK was usually dissatisfied with most anything I did.

For instance: My son was stranded somewhere and needed a ride home @ 11pm? I went to get him, even though I got back at 12:30 am and had to get up @ 3 am to go to work and she could sleep till 7 AM?. Did she say "Thank you"?

I would do the grocery shopping because I had a job which traveled all over town and I got off at 2:30pm so I could pick up my #3 son from school. And I fixed supper for the family too because she got home later than I did. I tried to hve supper on the table when she got home so we could eat as a family Did she let me know she appreciated it? NO! She didn't! In fact some of the evenings she came home late, she was at her lawyer's planning our divorce!

I became dissatisfied with her but wouldn't admit it, which caused much marital friction. I was trying to be her hero. She treated me like a zero, and shot me down ir seemed every chance she would get. But Jem being an LCSW helped me put SLiK's personality disorder into better perspective. She wasn't able to respond the way I would have liked.

So appreciate your man Gaye. I have heard too many tales of spouses not doing the "for better or for worse — in sickness and in health" part of the vows. It seems you got one of the good ones! Let him know you appreciate him!

Blessings to you and yours!

James Baker

Pynetree
Pynetree 2011-05-11 20:13:20 -0500 Report

James, your mention of Wedding Vows brought back a funny memory , that my family had just talked about…My daughter, Meredith was in First Grade, and her teacher was getting married, all the children were invited to the Mass. Meredith was enthralled by the whole sceen, watching and listening intently. The Priest asked them the old fashioned version "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death…etc." And in the hush after the I Do's ..Meredith said "You picked Poorer, Right Mom?" Chuckling and giggles filled the quiet Church! I reminded Meredith of this on our 37th, and her 10thwedding Anniversary this past month. ; )

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2011-05-11 16:04:26 -0500 Report

Peace be to your body, soul, and Spirit. Hugs to you. I will pray for you and your husband. I have never heard of 6th nerve palsy. I will check it out for a better understanding. Jim

Gabby
GabbyPA 2011-05-11 14:21:27 -0500 Report

I cannot speak about the place you are at, but I can help you remove some of the guilt from how you feel about your husband and all he has to do. When My husband was really sick last year everything came crashing on me. Not that a lot of it was new, but with the added care of him it became overwhelming. http://www.diabeticconnect.com/discussions/8444-caregiving-dilemmas

Something that would make all the difference in how your husband is feeling is to let him know how wonderful he is and how much you appreciate all he is doing for you right now. Let him know it won't be forever (that is good to tell yourself as well) Those little words will help you both bond in the hard times instead of drift apart.

When my husband would say that he would never had made it without me, or that I am a wonderful wife....those little exchanges melted away all the hard days. I think guilt is a feeling when we feel we are taking and not giving. You may not be able to give in big ways, but little ways are just as important and will help you as much as it helps him.