By Mrs.MH Latest Reply 2011-06-22 03:07:16 -0500
Started 2011-05-02 18:42:44 -0500

Hello Everybody, I know this is a rated G site so I am going to keep it as clean as possible. I'm not sure if this subject came up before I only be in the group over a month but I must know. Before I started feeling bad, then to be diagnosed with type 2 I was very intimite with my husband with no problems. Now I am not in the mood most of the time, sometimes he literally has to remind me that I do have sexual feelings, I must know is this normal? Am I the only one who is going thru this? I love my husband and I still and will always find him attractive I just don't feel like having sex and I want those feelings to come back. He is being so patient with me but I don't want him to feel like this will go on forever…we going to be married 4 years next month…Please help??

33 replies

aMAYzin77 2011-06-22 03:07:16 -0500 Report

I know I am late to chime in on this but I have had the same problem from a male perspective. I thought it lost my mojo as they call it but later figured out it was stress and mild depression. It was like when it was time to perform and I didn't have any liquor in my system it wasn't there like it should be. I had to sit back and think things over. I decided to add some spice to out love life and realized that some things were going to be different, but in a positive. I think it's a step a lot of us go through. It's about changing up what you use to do and add more fun to it. Hope things are working out better for you and your husband,

chopi 2011-05-05 14:03:30 -0500 Report

I need to chime in, I also thought at first it was just me and getting older. I was diagnosed last October and some time before I was my drive drasticly dropped. I have a friend that is also T2 we got to talking one day and the subject came up about being intamate with our wives. He has been T2 for over 10 years. He told me he also lost his drive and his wife thought he was having an affair. I know my wife never thought that becuase we talk about everything. But I find talking to others with this disease they say the same things. My wife and I find when the moment strikes try to act on it if at all possible! Because unfortunatly it's not often. We have a great relationship and as I said we talk about everything, which helps greatly! Keep smiling and remember to keep up the open communication.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-05-05 08:22:25 -0500 Report


I am not a physician, but I wanted to suggest that you might be experiencing depression. Loss of libido is one of the symptoms. And it is not uncommon to experience some depression as a result of a medical diagnsosis.

You might want to talk to your physician and/or a mental health professional about how you are feeling emotionally, and evaluate you for depression.

Just a thought.

Take care!


Tigereyze209 2011-05-04 21:47:40 -0500 Report

A diminished libido is not unusual for some folks. Due to some of the side affects of the medications I take to manage my condition, I have the same loss of a sex drive. As long as you and your spouse are okay with it, I would not consider it a big problem, but you can always discuss alternate treatments with your doctor that can adjust your undesired side effects.
n any case, good luck, and god bless you.

Somoca 2011-05-02 21:07:59 -0500 Report

Sex…I would suggest that you make exercising a mandatory thing, it will help with the desire and help clear your mind for such thoughts about your hubby :D for most women it is a "mind" thing. Start dating your husband again; that is to say , love notes, romantic nights of kissing and just touching will help and look for other ways to get excited besides the horizontal mumba. You may want to also watch what you eat, believe it or not sometimes what we put in our mouths dictates the libido. as a Type 2 myself, I can feel you on the issue. i inheredited the diabetes and a high libio from Mom and dad so for right now, I'm okay.

cottoncandybaby 2011-05-03 12:07:14 -0500 Report

Good suggestions, Somoca. As everyone here has said, it is very common, especially with diabetics, to have low libido, so do not waste time worrying about it, just try to feel as sexy as you can, like even lighting candles can help relax you and let the stress go away. Also, exercise is very helpful, doesn't have to be overly strenous, but it will help with blood flow to all of your body, including the private area, and I have found that after even just a few days or week of exercise like biking, or treadmill, or even just power walking around your neighborhood, gets that blood pumping. Keep your b/s numbers as constant as you can, because if they are always high, then over time it is possible to have nerve damage to the sexual organs, (both men & women), which is unfortunately, permanent, and that will certainly affect sexual relations, so stay on track as much as possible. For vaginal dryness, try KY warming lubricant, don't need to use much, it is a very good product. I use it a lot with my fiancee', he does not mind at all, actually makes things easier for both partners. (It is sold almost everywhere, Target, Wal-Mart, any grocery store), Main thing is to think sexy thoughts in your head, even if your body is not responding to the thoughts, it will eventually catch up!

Mrs.MH 2011-05-04 21:51:54 -0500 Report

Thanks so much Cotton

cottoncandybaby 2011-05-04 23:30:10 -0500 Report

No problem.. that is what is so great about this site, everyone has something they can add, that can hopefully help someone else…it seems like there is not much you can say on here that hasn't already been discussed openly.

Somoca 2011-05-03 12:14:37 -0500 Report

cottoncandybaby..great ideas! I forgot about the candles, they are important also.

cottoncandybaby 2011-05-03 12:27:42 -0500 Report

Thanks, Somoca, yes, anything that gets the romantic atmosphere going, is good. I had not used candles much at all for years, (maybe it would have helped my marriage which ended in divorce after 28 yrs, who knows…), When I started dating my now-fiancee' , was determined that this relationship was not going down that road, so started putting a few candles around the bathtub, was very romantic, then put a few on the headboard of our bed, put on some nice CD's or nice radio station, and turn off the tv, it is amazing how much the mood can change from all the stress worries of the day. Life is stressful enough, we have to make an effort to change gears and get in the groove of our partner and ourselves. Additional tip: if you have a teenager, lock the door! LOL!!

Somoca 2011-05-03 12:38:38 -0500 Report

I know what you mean about the teenager. My son works at the theater so he has seen alot of movies over the last four years lol. That sounds a bit hoochie but you know what I mean.

cottoncandybaby 2011-05-03 14:47:57 -0500 Report

Well, he has probably seen more than you'd want him to, but these days it is difficult to keep them from being exposed to way more than we were back when we were younger, at least from what I can see! One of my sons used to work at the movie theatre here in town, also, but he was already in high school, and I don't think he saw nuch more than he already knew…lol…who knows, he is 28 and married now, so somehow he survived! But my 15 yr old daughter is still at home, of course, and even with Facebook, her friends, and all the provacative stuff on tv, I try to be careful not to expose her to too much, although I probably underestimate what she knows already… such a scary world out there! All we can do is to instill good values in them, and hope they know right from wrong when they are confronted with a situation in which there is peer pressure.

dietcherry 2011-05-03 16:59:39 -0500 Report

Actually James the quote is: Good judgement comes from experience. And experience? Well that comes from bad judgement!-Anonymous Its on my profile page dear

Somoca 2011-05-03 14:52:48 -0500 Report

So far he is okay at 20, but I wish that he would take my disease more seriously, but that's another discussion topic lol

cottoncandybaby 2011-05-03 20:19:22 -0500 Report

Yes, it is, but he still should understand that diabetes is serious. Maybe if you sat down and asked him to listen to you, tell him what can happen if your blood sugar gets way out of control and how it would mean a lot to you if he would support you and help you in some way. Now that Mother's Day is here, is the perfect time for him to make you a meal that you can have, that would be good hands-on training, and a great way for him to show you how much he cares, all at the same time!!

Somoca 2011-05-03 20:23:57 -0500 Report

He is in denial. Mom has never been sick or weak; always the superwoman of the family …but now mom is sick…hopefully he will wake up before its too late.

cottoncandybaby 2011-05-03 21:13:14 -0500 Report

Yes, he does need to wake up and take it seriously. We all want our moms to be the supermom, down inside and it is hard to imagine mom's that are not perfect, but he needs to know that now is the time that mom needs His help and understanding and you need to find a way to get through to him, as it is selfish of him to block it out of his mind. Maybe there is another family member who he admires and will listen to, that can sit and talk with him? You sound like such a sweet person, and I'm sure a great mom, too.

jayabee52 2011-05-02 19:46:58 -0500 Report

This has been much discussed on DC, and some of it can get a bit "steamy" at times but IMO not crossing the line into "R" territory. Here's the list of the discussions over the years here on DC searching for the term sex:

So take a look at some of the discussions and you will see that no, it's not JUST you it happens to.

My male libido had taken a nosedive and I just had a new bride in 2008. She also was diabetic. But for whatever reason my sex drive was almost nil and I had to remind myself that she had needs too, and so I started something with her when reminded of it. I didn't FEEL like it particularly, but once we got started, I became interested. IMO: to FEEL sexy ACT sexy. Start something with your man Michelle. He'll think you're the greatest! One of the complaints many men have is, their wives never "come on" to them. Come on to him and he'll think you're fantastic (you're already the greatest in his eyes). When your juices get going, you'll most likely really enjoy it!

Mrs.MH 2011-05-02 20:58:06 -0500 Report

wow thank you so much I will try what you said …it's always nice to get advice from a man's perspective. I read one of the articles where a woman went to get her hair, nails and feet done so she can feel sexy about herself and that helped her. I read a lot that gave me insight as well as ideas on how to get my desire back.I will also talk to my doctor and will ask my husband if he can come with me. Thank you Jay very much…you guys made me feel better. I been so depressed over this and I don't want my husband to find it else where.

RAYT721 2011-05-02 19:26:40 -0500 Report

No problem… this is actually a pretty common topic of discussion and you are NOT the only woman (or man) to experience it. Check the discussion archives (search) with the word "sex" and you'll find the previous post questions and answers. Your feelings are not unusual and there's no reason to feel awkward about bringing them up here.

Mrs.MH 2011-05-02 19:28:53 -0500 Report

Thank you very much I will check now and thank you for taking the time to reply

RAYT721 2011-05-02 19:33:11 -0500 Report

That's what we are here for …virtual hugs, understanding, support, encouragement and sometimes good answers! :) … We have been where you've been, where you are and where you're going!!!

cavie2 2011-05-03 02:37:31 -0500 Report

SEX!!! what's that? I have been celibate for 34 years, could someone PLEASE remind me, please.

Pynetree 2011-05-03 11:05:32 -0500 Report

I hear you, Cavie, …I was being admitted to the hospital and filling out the forms..
[ ] Male [ ] Female I added another box [ x ] been too long to remember!
Now it's long past caring. Don't really like myself very much…know no one else would want to have to look at/be with me either. Sad sorry state I've let my marriage get to.

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