Sexual disfunction

By glee9349 Latest Reply 2012-02-02 09:43:31 -0600
Started 2011-04-22 05:26:52 -0500

I'm a 37 year old female who is married to a wonderful, caring, loving, and very understanding husband who never pushes me or gets discouraged with me but i am wondering i know this is a private matter but i need to know if anyone else is in the same boat. I have no sexual drive what so ever. Can diabities diminish it? Anyone who understand please let me know if it is normal.


71 replies

NellyBelly1031 2011-04-29 16:26:53 -0500 Report

Add one more to the UNDERSTANDS list. I am also a breast cancer survivor, who had a radical hysterectomy and all Estrogen suppressed as part of my treatment…talk about ABSOLUTELY NO SEX DRIVE…Not even a Sex Drive-Thru! My husband, a wonderful man, is 11 years younger than I am, and would like to have sex 3 times a day…so down the path to compromise we go!

First of all I had to learn to respect that for him sex is a very big part of our relationship, and how he felt he could best express his LOVE for me. In turn he has learned that for me the pressure to have sex frequently only diminished my sex drive even more.

Together we had to learn to overcome our embarrassment and communicate, communicate and communicate…and I've also learned that when I take the initiative in approaching him for sex it makes up for a lot of the times when he feels turned down. A little more effort on my part = less pressure from him.

Also…a manicure, pedicure, a bubble bath, sexy underthings (All the time!),sexy clothes, dolling up and being one Hot Momma…all help to keep the romance in my heart! When I feel sexy, I act sexy!!

I do miss the times when lust and passion ruled our bedroom, but I relish the fact that my husband and I travel this road together with mutual respect, understanding, caring and that Both of us are devoted to each other. Sometimes, though, I just have to get over MYSELF and my hang ups and make Him and his hang ups a little more important! (please note that I did say SOMETIMES…hahahahaha).

{also, not to go on and on, but I have found that when my blood sugar is in control…over a period of days (weeks, months) that my sex drive perks up a bit! So, just another reason to keep on track!}

Kidd Kaneo
Kidd Kaneo 2011-04-26 05:47:32 -0500 Report

What drives me crazy about sex or the lack of it, is that people think it’s expected. Every single TV show from “Hot in Cleveland” to “Dr. Phil” is talk about sex, sex, sex, married or not.
Personally, I’m a train wreck and call myself “Murphy’s Law of Medicine. I’m 57 with over 30 surgeries under my belt (literally), take 10-12 pills a day, live with constant pain, became diabetic from a chemo treatment for renal cancer that moved to my lungs. Therefore, Wee Willy has become “Try and find me Willy” for years now. I do not suffer from erectile dysfunction; I suffer from erectile death.
My wife the best care giver in the world and the glue that keeps patching me up and keeps me running, also has 2 steel plates, 2 rods and a dozen screws in her neck after 3 spinal fusions.
Anyway, we have a GREAT marriage based on conversation, communication teamwork, and a lot of problem solving, but no sex. Most people confuse sex with love. Sex is and animal instinct, a form of release, But is not the mandate for a solid marriage. We are now both in our late 50’s, it is a first marriage for both of us and next month we celebrate our 25th anniversary. We have also had two fights in since we have been together, and both were prior to the marriage.
Just because sex is talked about in every TV show, movie, magazine and office gossip: Sex does not make a marriage, People and Communication are the basis for marriage. Sex is or should be a safe benefit of marriage not an expectation. Moreover, yes I call it sex, because it is not Making Love. Love is something that takes hard work, commitment, understanding, and strong communication; that is what “Making Love” is.

meter readers of void
meter readers of void 2011-04-26 04:36:05 -0500 Report

being devoted to one for 15yrs now div. seems to have amplified the problems i was having with controlling my diet ——tail spin or just the missing link in the food chain - however have found inner peace again , health is getting better now

RENE MARIE 2011-04-24 22:02:27 -0500 Report


HI GLEE9349,


denatrout1974 2011-04-23 19:13:07 -0500 Report

i have the same problem, ive been married now a little over a year,andtogeather for two yrs or so,and he is much younger than i am about ten yrs to be exact, i worrie becouse he complains that i never come on to him or try to start anything with him,im afraid he will get sick of it and want to leave or eventually have already having enogh of a hard time finding out im diabetic alone.

peggyjean47 2011-04-23 14:58:21 -0500 Report

i am 47 and my sex drive comes and goes, and even when i am totally aroused i have trouble with being really dry and it makes things painful, i also am married to a very understanding and wonderful husband

Anonymous 2011-04-23 15:09:05 -0500 Report

I've been using lubricants now for about 10 years. They're very effective. KY is the brand that comes to mind but many stores also have their own labels. It's not expensive and eliminates any pain due to dryness. You can even involve your hubby in helping you apply it…

melissa5786 2011-04-23 12:37:59 -0500 Report

I wasn't aware that diabetes could affect a person's sex drive. I guess nerve damage is possible and it doesn't make exceptions. I'm 24 and I've been diabetic for almost 2 years (in July.) I've been in a serious relationship for 7 months and my sex drive is perfectly normal… There are times when I'm not 100% in the mood but that's perfectly normal for anyone.

If I were you, I'd speak to my doctor. There are ways now for you to control that area and help yourself out. It is uncomfortable for some people to talk about, especially if they're having a problem, but the sooner you speak up about it the sooner you'll be able to come up with some helpful ways to get the libido pumping again.

jayabee52 2011-04-23 13:15:24 -0500 Report

My problems started presenting themselves at about 5 or so years into my Dx. (of course every Person with Diabetes is different) And my libido came and went, as did my ability to function, (read "ED"). And it was hard to sort out where the ED was coming from, was it emotionally based? — feeling that something was wrong with our relationship — or was it physically based? Was it jsut because I was getting older, or because I was a PWD? ED pills were hit or miss (mostly miss).

When I was divorced, I was pretty much cut off from human touch, except for the hugs I got from my sons. And when they left town for various reasons, then I had none.

I remember being in a dance class for East Coast Swing. And we were learning a move pattern which was called the "football push". Part of the move was I put my arm like a football player pushing off a tackle and rotating myself to meet the partner's hand on the other side of the turn. The lady was supposed to allow her fingers to lightly ride on my midriff, just above my belt, so I would know where to meet her hand on the other side. This is the first time this was taught since I had been coming to the classes, and by then I had not much human contact. Somehow that litle drag of the lady's fingers above my beltline just got to me. I dreamt about doing the football push nearly every night for a week! Often it turned into a rather erotically steamy dream. Wow! I started wondering if I was starting to be a pervert.

When dating "Jem" I told her about my dream and my fears of being a pervert. Since she was an LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) and had been trained in psychotherapy, she scoffed at the idea I was a pervert. (Relief!)

Being with Jem reignighted my libido (actually for both of us). But it was not like being with my ex, because at this time I had diabetic neuropathy, and my male organs tingled. And I had ED, big time (probably should say little time - because "willy" was completely unresponsive.) She couldn't get fully aroused because of neuropathy. But we enjoyed one another with what we could do.

Just being together in a committed relationship was enough for us, really.

I miss her tremendously.

1cookie :)
1cookie :) 2011-04-23 12:20:41 -0500 Report

I agree with Elaine..The USA is a bit more reclusive about the subject..more than Europe..etc. The Taboo that surrounds this topic leads to being less informed or worse, informed by a source less is unfortunate..I hope you can talk to your GYN about it..if not get another one..I have a female Nurse Practictioner who is more like a primary care doc than any I have had…INBOX to me if you want more feed back. I would be willing talk with you..I'll send a friend request.

elaine52 2011-04-23 12:05:22 -0500 Report

I think some people think this is a 'taboo' subject, that's why there is so little discussion about something that affects so many of us…it's a natural part of life..

jayabee52 2011-04-23 12:10:20 -0500 Report

I agree, Elaine! Especially your last sentence. Unfortunately for me right now, not so much. *Sigh* Rueful laugh!

Sidehack 2011-04-23 06:08:24 -0500 Report

"Diminution of The Marital Impulse". Women seem to be more forthright about this subject. Men don't want to discuss the topic of E.D. As a male I have many questions I can't seem to get answers to because I can't find any discussion groups.

Somoca 2011-04-23 03:34:13 -0500 Report

well geez …I must be the hooch of DC because i love sex and I make sure I get it. I keep up with the exercise and the state of mind is important. I'm not talking 24/7 but let a tight bod walk pass and I am getting thoughts. Heck thats probably the only thing I miss about my ex-BF..but they are like trains, another one always come along, Just depends if I want to get on for the ride :D.

sisson 2011-04-23 00:58:34 -0500 Report

I know where you are coming from two weeks ago I tryed that Kjelly Yours and Mine I haven't felt that good in along time I wanted to cry. Try it!

GabbyPA 2011-04-22 22:57:16 -0500 Report

Diabetes does damage to many of our nerves and this is not exception. Also, being tired and without energy due to high blood sugars can cause a lack of interest. These are things you can work out and the fact that you are aware is a first step in the right direction.

We have a few videos here that may help you out.

MAYS 2011-04-22 21:16:30 -0500 Report

It happens and diabetes as well as hormonal factors play a big part in it for both males and females, fortunately medical science has provided means for dealing with this, talk to your doctor about it.

Open your mind up to a little sexual creativity see if that helps any.
Don't let it depress you or ruin your life, it will get better!

Anonymous 2011-04-22 13:43:04 -0500 Report

At 37, I still had a really active libido. Now at 62, I'm much less interested in sex overall and am relieved that my husband also seems to be slowing down. We enjoy our sex but it could happen less often from my point of view and I wouldn't miss it. (I don't think I'd totally want to do without but 2 times a month would be fine by me.) Don't know if it's because of my diabetes or because it's just part of the aging process…maybe a bit of both. There are products and devices that can ease the act and make it more enjoyable too.
Is your diabetes under control? Are there other issues that could be causing you anxiety as well? Wishing you well!

Anonymous 2011-04-22 13:05:39 -0500 Report

I've had ED since 1997, caused by meds such as depression & high blood pressure. Diabetes push the problem over the top. Yes I miss it! I miss being intimate but I have an understanding wife, who once told friends who suggested I manually bring pleasure to her, "why should I have release when he can't, not very fair." Over ten years ago she told me not to touch her anymore since I can't do anything about it. This really hurt!!! But…I understand though. Doc has suggested meds, but why? At 57 It's kinda' nice not to worry about it anymore. There's more to life and relationships then sex!

cottoncandybaby 2011-04-23 13:18:07 -0500 Report

Yes, there is more to life than relationships, but sex is the glue that bonds couples together. I am 56, and engaged to a wonderful, loving man, who is 60, he takes Levitra and it works great, have you tried that med? He had been long time smoker til recently,. ask your Dr. about this med. If it still does not help, see if your wife would be willing to try using a vibrator with you, it will give her pleasure and you can both have fun with this "toy", so it can be q couple thingl better than no touching in 10 yrs! You can order her one and surprise her. Go to Sinclair Institute, has lots of things there, experiment and it may help bring the intimacy back after all this time. . it is owned by Dr. Laura Berman, who has been on Oprah many times, has good items and information.

cottoncandybaby 2011-04-23 13:20:29 -0500 Report

sorry, typo: meant to say "there is more to life and relationships than sex"

jayabee52 2011-04-23 18:08:03 -0500 Report

you know Amy, you CAN click the edit button below your post and change the mistake. That's why the little blue link edit button is for next to the reply button. I thank DC for giving us this function, as I have had to edit many replies!

cavie2 2011-05-04 16:45:49 -0500 Report

Well from the one's I've read it would be interesting to find out what the rest were about coz you have a wicked sense of humor

jayabee52 2011-04-22 11:48:32 -0500 Report

I have had DM since about 1995. I was married to my son's mother at the time until 2001 (actully divorce was final in Apr 2002 ). The last 3 or 4 yrs of that marriage my sex drive was not firing on all cylinders. That was dsitressing to my (now ex) wife, and she wondered if she was desirable enough or if I loved her. Eventually, I believe she found out for herself if she was desirable enough (though I have no concrete proof).

So my sexual nature had a forced hiatus, as I am not a man to play around. But I did seek the intimate companionship of the opposite gender, if for no other reason than companionship. One night stands and the use of prostitutes (though plentiful in Las Vegas) did not appeal to me at all.

When I met and married "Jem" I wanted to be with her, but couldn't get aroused. None of the ED meds helped. Jem too had trouble getting aroused. We both had neuropathy in our groin/genital areas, so that reduced the sensation for her, and I had very little sensation, but we did enjoy what intimacy we could under the conditions. She reported that there were times when she almost reached the "big O" (and I don't mean the popular talk show host! LoL!) Me? I just enjoyed giving her all the pleasure I could. Our libidos cooled after the rush of hormones accompanied by a new relationship subsided. There were months where we weren't active in that way at all.

I haven't had my sex hormones checked, ever. so I don't know if my sex drive may be enhanced by taking anything, and in my single again state, it is at this point useless. In fact it might only serve to frustrate me. Should I become in a relationship which might possibly be of mutual committment, then I may check to see my sex hormone levels and if they're low, seek to raise them. Otherwise I'd be setting myself up for frustration.

cottoncandybaby 2011-04-23 13:29:19 -0500 Report

jayabee2: I am making sure that my fiancee' is having his testosterone levels checked on his next visit to Dr., when he gets regular blood work done anyway, as his sexual desire is much lower than mine, and other than his smoking for yrs. past, not sure why, other than he had bad marriage in the past, so he did not have interest in sex for quite a while, either. However, as I said above, the medication Levitra does work well and if you meet someone in the future, it may make all the difference in the relationship.

jayabee52 2011-04-23 18:12:20 -0500 Report

I thought perhaps it would when I took up with Jem, but even with the med, —- unfortunately, nothing happened. So perhaps it might be a male hormone thing going on with me, or it is neuropathy gumming up the works!

Both Jem & I were a little diaappointed, but it didn't devastate us. We were just happy to be together and to be able to show love in whatever way we were able.

cottoncandybaby 2011-04-23 21:30:48 -0500 Report

Well, Jem is lucky to have an understanding partner such as yourself, as you have a good attitude about it. It may well be the neuropathy, as I know it was the case with my step dad, he had diabetes very bad, 6 insulin shots a day. However, before giving up completely, I would recommend seeing a good urologist, who can check your blood levels in detail. That is who I took my fiancee' to, also to get checked for prostate cancer, since his dad died from it. I don't know where you live, but I live in southwest Florida, and he is a great doctor, and a friend of mine for many yrs. I think if you want to really try to leave no stone unturned, then go to a good urologist and get checked out thouroughly, if it really is not an important issue to you and Jem, then just enjoy each other, and show the love in other ways, cuddling, kissing, etc. PS the football move sounded very interesting!

jayabee52 2011-04-23 23:58:34 -0500 Report

it was interesting. "Football push" is one of my fave figures still.

I live in Las Vegas, returning here after about 15 years here, and then gone to CA for about 3 yrs, now back since late in Dec '10. (about 4 mos right now).

I was fortunate to have such an understanding and loving bride too. Unfortunately she passed from this live in July '10 (one of the reasons for my move back to LV — didn't have enough $ to continue to live in the SF bay area). We were EXTREMELY good to and for each other!

I am so blessed she let me into her life. She had trust issues with men, as two had proposed to her, but backed out at the last moment, and a 3rd said he loved her but wouldn't commit to her, yet wanted the benefits of married life. She eventually dumped him, but not without a lot of stress and grief on her part. She was a self-proclaimed "old fashioned girl". (We're not talking about the mixed drink!) So as we got closer, she would occasionally get cold feet and talk about us splitting up. But that was her fears talking: I'd better dump him before he dumps me. When we talked she admitted she did love me, but had that "men always reject me" tape running in my head. I convinced her that unless I died or was incapacitated, I wasn't going away. The only way she could make sure I was telling the truth about that was to stay in the relationship. Time would prove me right in the end. And it did! I married her not once, but 3 times! (the first 2 were not legalized ceremonies but the last one was!)

cottoncandybaby 2011-04-24 18:11:47 -0500 Report

Wow, Jay, what a lucky woman your wife was! To have 3 weddings to celebrate your love for each other really says a lot about your relationship. I am so sorry that she passed away, I hope she didn't suffer in pain before her death. You and Ted (my fiancee') have a lot of wonderful traits in common, and we had similar issues to deal with at the beginning, such as trust issues, because of us both having bad experiences in the past, he with his ex-wife and me with my ex-husband. But after a short period of time, not only getting to know each other on email for a few weeks before meeting in person, (emailing about a dozen times a day!), but then meeting in person, it didn't take long to see that we would get past the "bad tapes" going thru our heads and start making good tapes. Also, being older makes you realize that you don't want to waste precious time hemming and hawing about whether or not you want to be with someone, why waste time if they are not right for you and vice versa. I was only 19 yrs old when I first got married, in '76, and it seemed right at that time, and we did have many good yrs for a long time, and I have 3 wonderful children, but the last few years he cheated and that was the beginning of the end. . .Ted's marriage was also many years of no closeness with his wife and one day he came after work to find her in bed with a neighbor, so that was the straw that broke the camel's back. We both wish we had met 20 yrs ago, but it is what it is. . but now being that I am 56 and he just turned 60, not to mention that I am Jewish and he is Southern Baptist!! but we try to make each day count. . .He celebrated Passover last week with my friends and I went today to his family's Easter lunch, compromise is the name of the game. . . so don't worry about the sex thing, if it is meant to be and you want to go to Dr. about it, when you meet someone, then do it, if not, just enjoy each other. My older son got married in Las Vegas 2 yrs ago, at the Monte Carlo, was a fun but quick weekend. . he used to go a lot to play poker there and did very well, but that was in his single days, now he has a great wife, step daughter, and a beautiful baby girl, they live in Jacksonville, Florida, about 6 hrs north of Fort Myers, where he grew up and we still live. I can understand why you moved back there, as I have heard that SF is very expensive to live there. I have lived here in Fort Myers for 29 yrs and my other son, who just turned 28, and my daughter were born here, is a great city to live in but awful hot in summer!! Thanks for the tip on the blue edit button, I would have never known. . . Have a great Easter and don't eat the Peeps like I did! Hi everyone. . Amy

jayabee52 2011-04-24 19:46:35 -0500 Report

Actually on Good Friday, I got into the "jellybellies" jelly bean candies. I inhaled about half a bag, plus some breaded, deepfat fried, salted chicken tenders, and a "drumstick" cone. My BG#s had been in the 88 to 108 range on no insulin for about 2 weeks before, but when I got into the candy, BG before bed on Good Fri 209! and I took my prescribed 15 U of insulin, fasting next AM I was 219! So I took my usual AM dose of 17 U. of insulin. at 6 PM my BG was back to 90s.

I knew on Easter Sunday, I'd be eating easter breakfast at church. (lots of carbs) so I took my dose of 17 U insulin to prepare for that. After b-fast BGs in 180s

I also got on the scale for the first time in a few mos. Last time 210-215 lbs today 183.3! My pants fit looser (gotta have a belt to hold them up!) and I fit into a smaller waistband pants than before. Woo Hoo!

cottoncandybaby 2011-04-24 21:31:36 -0500 Report

Great job on the weight loss!! Also great job on anticipating the carbs you had at the Easter breakfast, good planning. I also knew that today was going to blow my diet, since his family was so nice to make a turkey, knowing that I don't eat any type of ham or pork, being Jewish, however they made the turkey in a turkey fryer! Must say it was so delicious because it was fried, crunchy, and there was no way I couldn't not eat it since they specially made it knowing I was coming there with Ted and my daughter, so I just decided to enjoy it and watch the desserts, of which there were plenty, including the cool whip-cream cheese pie my daughter and I made last night to bring. I did have a few peeps, love them, and a small amount of sampling of desserts, not as bad as I really could have been, so just chaulked it up to a day that I need to repent for tomorrow! :) How long have you been on insulin? I am taking Metformin twice daily for now, need to lose about 25 lbs, to be where I should be. I generally follow low carb, low sugar, high protein diet, like most of us here, but late night snacking is my bad time. What do you eat for snacking? I have a bad sweet tooth, so sometimes have a no-carb ice cream on a stick or half of it one night and the other half next night. What good secrets do you have for satisfying the sweet tooth? Ted is no help, since he is a big eater and also loves to snack at night (he is 6'4" about 250 lbs, I am 5'1" trying to get down to 140. ) My fasting in am is usually between 150-175, sometimes a little lower, sometimes a little higher. My Dr. wants it closer to 100 of course. I am not as disiplined as I should be, but much better than I used to be. It sucks not to enjoy the good stuff!! LOL!!!

jayabee52 2011-04-24 23:43:52 -0500 Report

I've been on insulin since Nov 7, 2006, so about 6 yrs — give or take. I know the day because it was mu 2nd son, Jonathan's birthday and he had come to check me out.

My landlady, "JJ" hadn't seen me around in her house for a few days. She got curious and knocked on my bedroom door and asked "are you OK?" I hadn't been seen by her for a total of 5 days. I hadn't been seen for those days because I was laying on my rented bedroom's floor semi-comatose. She had asked that same question earlier, I don't know when because in that semi-comatose state time ran together, so it could have been the same day/night or 1 or 2 days prior.

JJ knew where my son was living —- at his mother's house —- for a time. She drove over there the early AM of Nov 7 (she said) and knocked on his Bedroom window. He answered and she told him that she thought something was wrong with me, and he needed to get there to check on me.

I don't know why she didn't just turn the knob, open the door a crack and peep in and call the ambulance, but that was JJ.

Jon came and by that time I had awakened out of my stupor, thinking only 1 night had passed, not 5 days & nights. Jon came, and insisted I go to ER. I thought I was fine, so I refused to go and we argued a bit. I finally decided to humor him, so he took me to ER.

I expected to be out of there within about 3 or 4 hrs. Instead I was there about 3 weeks.

To my shock and dismay I learned that my Kidneys had an infection and stopped filtering waste out of my blood. I was slowly poisoning my bloodstream with my urological waste, and needed hemodialysis. I was taken into an OR where a 2 sided tube was inserted near my heart and 1 side was placed into an artery, the other into a vein. (Of course I didn't know it, I was under anesthetic.

I woke up finally in an ICU room, I don't know how long I was out. But I'm sure I got insulin during that time, but suspect I did.

I had been on Met, and Glypiside before that. The Glyp was relatively new because the Met wasn't seeming to work as well, now after 7+ yrs on it. (Nothing was said about Met at that time and I didn't think to ask — that it was implicted in kidney problems — I have just recently come to know that through chatter on DC.)

When released from hospital, I was instructed how to inject insulin with a syringe & vial. I was told to inject 10 U am and 8 U pm, and sent home. That was a baby dose compared to what others are taking. Whet my bride Jem was taking was a cocktail of 65 NPH, sliding scale of R and eventually a different sliding scale of "Aspart". And when Jem's mother, "MommaG" was alive she took 75 N and a sliding scale R.

I eventually worked up to my present dosage 17 U AM and 15 U PM because I wasn't controlling my dietary intake closely enough. I was trying to be only halfway a Person with diabetes, and halfway a non-pwd.

Oh and BTW: Jem's bro. "Skip" a Roman Catholic had met his LTR life partner who was Jewish on a dating website, a while before Jem met me on another website. In fact Skip's experience on a dating website got her thinking along those lines too.

Of course Jem's being completely blind was a bit of a problem for her. So she enlisted the help of a friend, "L" to screen the profiles. L'd pass on interesting profiles to Jem. L passed on my profile with the reason I'd caught her attention: "He has kind eyes." When Jem noted that I was in LV, 500+ mi away, L replied "Just be his friend — you don't have to marry him." Jem and I laughed about it from time to time, especially every time we got married.

To tye up loose ends, I am no longer on Dialysis.

In Jul 2007 I was told my kidneys were working well enough to discontinue dialysis. On Nov 7, 2007 ) Jem contacted me through the Dating4Disabled website. And the rest was beautiful history! (what an amazing circumstance — 1 yr prior I was in ER, getting dialysis! — Jem told me that the fact that I had been on dialysis before and was off of it, fascinated her, because at that time she was undergoing hemodialysis herself)

Too many coincidences, for our love to be mere coincidence!

cottoncandybaby 2011-04-25 09:47:15 -0500 Report

OMG, what an amazing story. . . .sounds like a screenplay for a movie. . .being on the floor for 5 days, amazing you were still alive..I also wonder why she didn't just open the door to see if you were alright, after not seeing you for so many days! You really cheated death back then with your kidneys failing and the diabetes, etc… I did not know that about the Metformin being implicated in kidney function. I do not know a lot about the sliding scale of R, since I am not on insulin at this time, just taking the pills twice a day, but I know my step dad used to use the humolog pens and also had regular vials of insulin that he kept in the fridge, but do not know the type or dosage, just that he gave himself 6 injections a day. I know I have to be careful, since it runs in my family, especially my mom's side. Thank goodness for your son's quick resue and getting you to the hospital on time before too late. . You must have been so thrilled to finally get off the dialysis…and a year later to be with Jem,,,I didn't realize she was blind, but sounds like she was still very independent, and how cool that she had her friend give her opinion on people on the dating website! I didn't even know about the Dating4Disabled website, that is amaziing too. My ex-husband is wheelchair bound for life, as he had brain surgery, which we knew for yrs he would have to have, for a lesion on the top of his brain stem, had the surgery June 2004, 4 months after we were separated and he was living in north Fort Myers with the lady he was cheating with (his assistant at work), but I took the high road and flew up to Boston, where he had surgery at MGH, since it was a high risk surgery, 7 hr brain surgery, in worse part of the brain to have the lesion, the head surgeon told me. I felt if he had died during the surgery, I didn't want my 2 sons and daughter to wonder why I wasn't there, even though we were separated, so I went with my mom and my older son, Jason. Unfortunately he had a stroke during the surgery, ended up staying up there for 3 months doing rehab, then flew down to Tampa, where his girlfriend had been transferred to different office there and they eventually married on a cruise ship, him still wheelchair bound and she ended up becoming his caregiver, until they divorced last summer, he is now living in an assisted living facility about 10 min away from where I live with Ted and my 15 yr old daughter. His health has gone downhill, he no longer does the physical therapy and OT and his speech has gotten worse. He can email fine, but has permanent double vision. I know it sounds mean, but I believe that his life was in God's hands during that surgery and he ended up like that for the cheating he did and for walking out on myself and our daughter back in Feb. 2004, even though he still saw her on a few weekends, big deal. He is Jewish also, and we had raised all 3 kids Jewish, but at this point in my life, after being single parent for 6 yrs, the religion of the person I was hoping to meet, which ended up being Ted, was not a priority to be Jewish, just to be a wonderful partner to share my life with and to enjoy being a family with my daughter, although she will be out of the house in a few years, but I am so glad now that she has a great male role model in her life , which has been missing. We are hoping to get married maybe some time next year, we would get married today, except for fact of losing my alimony, which I need to live on, as I am part time teacher, was laid off 2 yrs ago, when economy tanked big time here in Florida.Ted is waiting on his pension from the VA, which he was approved for 2 yrs ago! He finally had to get an attorney who specializes in VA pensions and it should start in about 6 weeks. Anyway, you certainly have been through a lot, too, and I wish you so much happiness, you deserve it! Until just over a year ago, I thought I'd never meet anyone who's life would mesh well with mine, plus welcome my daughter into is life, as well, after raising his own daughter's. . . but God sees that good things happen to those who wait, and was also a coincidence that Ted and I happened to meet on a particular dating site and a specific time, was a one in a million chance. As they say, truth is stranger than fiction. have a great day, gotta run, don't forget to tell me what snacks you have when you get a craving for foods you shouldn't have. . .that is my weak spot!

jayabee52 2011-04-25 20:54:11 -0500 Report

Here lately I've been cuting up and eating red radishes as my "popcorn" (food when I'm watching TV. ) They have a delightful crunch, and a little (but not too much) "bite" to let me know I've eaten someting. I'd have to check the bag they come in again, but, I looked once and as I remember they were like 3 carbs for 6 or 8 large radishes.

There is a saying "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of an angry God" (I thought it to be found somewhere in the Psalms but may be wrong)

My ex broke my heart when she divorced me out of a 25 yr marriage. It took me quite a while to recover from that. But I did in large part to my bride "Jem", but had been well on my way before I met Jem.

There's another saying, "The mills of God grind slowly, but exceedingly fine." My ex, within the year from our divorce when she broke my heart, got a heart attack. It was very severe. She had to have a 5-way bypass. I don't know whether she got the irony, because I haven't spoken to her about that. But I do know that when she hosted my #2 son's rehersal dinner, she greeted me warmly at the house I thought I'd never see the inside of again. My "date" went back into the kitchen again for something (where I had just greeted SLK and had left for another part of the house), and Annie found SLK sobbing on the shoulder of one of her friends saying "I never thought I'd see him alive again" (this was in Oct '10) So I suspect there's still some warm feelings left for me. Not enough to dump her new hubby, but at least she doesn't hate me, and we're not at each other's throats now.

And with all SLK put me through (accusing me of abuse and putting me under a Temp Protective Order whereby I had to miss my #1 son's bootcamp grad — cause she was there, and my #2 son's HS grad for the same reason — and poisoning the mind of #3 son against me) I don't think I'd go back to her even if she came crawling on her knees asking me back.

Son's #1 and 2 are ok with me. #3 (age 22) is still "punishing" me for things related to the divorce.

cottoncandybaby 2011-04-25 23:38:56 -0500 Report

Boy, your ex was really a piece of work, not allowing you to attend the special events of your sons', that was very cruel, in my opinion. Not only not fair to you, but not fair to them, also. I certainly get the irony of her having a heart attack, in a way like my ex having a stroke during the brain surgery, all in God's hands, as I say. . . I like the saying about the mills of God, is very true, not matter what religion, that is universal. I hope that son #3 will eventually come around to understanding that period of time, through your eyes and not through the poisoned viewpoint of your ex-wife. Even if she still has warm feelings for you, it sounds to me that what she did to you and boys in the past cannot be forgotten, just as my sons know about their father's cheating, and although they do not like to talk about it, and would never say it to his face, but they hate him for what he did, and will never forgive him in their hearts. Now he has plenty of time to sit around and think about how he torn apart his family, thinking of only one thing at that time, having an affair with his assistant, who made him feel like he was super special, but really he was only a super jerk, who put his physical needs above his family. By the time our divorce was finally settled, costing me a fortune, almost my entire savings, and him a fortune too, we had ended a 28 yr marriage, long like yours. Like you and countless others, it took me quite a while to get over it and realize I could continue living just fine without him, even while raising my daughter entirely by myself. She is now a lovely, funny, typical teenage girl, who came through a difficult period in her life, and now lookng forward to beginning high school in August. But was not easy for the first few years, for sure, many sleepless nights and many tears later… somehow God gives is the strengh to get through, and to not look back, and least try not to, just to look ahead and know that better things lie in the future. As my dad always says, "no one gets through life unscathed, no matter how wealthy or superior they seem, life throws us all punches in the stomach", how true.

jayabee52 2011-04-26 00:03:37 -0500 Report

#3 was at least honest enoough with me he did tell me he hated me. That really hurt, but he intended it to. Now he will at least talk to me and did so during #2's rehersal dinner and the reception. At end of the reception he stuck out his hand (he knows I like to hug #1 & 2, and said "goodbye Jim" At least he did say goodbye, I guess. Haven't heard from him since that Oct '10 night.

cottoncandybaby 2011-04-26 07:57:02 -0500 Report

That is very sad, even though he was honest with you. But I don't understand what you did that he hates you so much? You did not ask for the divorce, she divorced you, so why is he upset with you? I didn't see what you did wrong anywhere in what you said, unless he just felt he did not get enough attention from you.

cavie2 2011-04-26 01:52:35 -0500 Report

I replied to your comment regarding your marriage breakup, and just discovered that it was posted in reply to a comment made by Dean girl. So you will have to check it out there, my only excuse is that diabetes affects my eyesight and my BRAIN. LOL

Anonymous 2011-04-22 11:53:22 -0500 Report


glee9349 2011-04-23 17:00:22 -0500 Report

This does affect so many people and saying yuckkk is just childish and for people to think that just dont understand and immature. But i respect you for you opinion we all have a right to our own opinion so thank you for replying anyways.

skuzminski82 2011-04-23 04:46:43 -0500 Report

nothing about that deserved that. guess thats probably why you're hiding behind that anonymous.

jayabee52 2011-04-23 10:42:09 -0500 Report

maybe it's from someone who is underage. Kids of a certain age find adult topics like this "gross". I remember (vaguely - so long ago) going through that stage.

nanaellen 2011-04-22 11:19:37 -0500 Report

I feel the same way but I can't say for sure it's the diabetes. A lot of my lack of drive is meds. Ever since I started on blood pressure meds. You really should talk to your doctor about it though cause there are plenty of things they could suggest! I personally don't care anymore cause my husband and I are seperated and it doesn't look like we'll be getting back together so I just don't bother any more!

BandonBob 2011-04-22 10:54:12 -0500 Report

I have had T2 for 22 years. The first 15 I had control with exercise and diet and had no problems at all. Then I could no longer control it well enough and the doctor added some meds to my routine. Any feelings of desire strated fading until after another 4 years it was gone. I know 5 other doabetic men who have the same problem. It is no longer a problem for me as I have no one else since my wife died and probably will not so I don't even talk to the doctor about it.

edvel54 2011-04-22 10:46:49 -0500 Report

I have had diabetes for 10 years, that is about as long as its been since I had sex
I still like to cuddle and get cozy, but that's it. I don't feel as if I am missing out on anything.

dietcherry 2011-04-22 08:33:24 -0500 Report

Is it loss of feeling from nerve damage or do you just have no desire at all mentally? Or both?

glee9349 2011-04-23 17:03:00 -0500 Report

I really have no desire but mentally i think about a lot when im with my husband in our intimate moments. So maybe its the nerve damage and being dry all the time. Thank you for your response.

Anonymous 2011-04-22 07:44:00 -0500 Report

i know that damaged nerve endings in the femine area will effect your ability to reach orgasim. I say its a bit like the way men suffer with erectile disfunction. Have you tried talking to your doctor about it?
Medication can also lessen sexual drive. aswell as stress, badly controlled sugars or diet. There are plenty of things to investigate. Best of luck

skuzminski82 2011-04-22 05:33:52 -0500 Report

im 28 and i havent had one for a few years. my one friend is like "well dont you at least miss sex" and im like NOPE and she was like you dont even do anything alone or anything and im like NOPE. i dont care, i dont care about dating anyone or anything. but thats been before being diagnosed with diabetes.

jaedwil 2011-04-22 07:42:52 -0500 Report

i am 56 and have the same broblen but i have to say it bothers me a lot i like to here from other people how they deal with it

skuzminski82 2011-04-23 04:48:27 -0500 Report

i guess if the guys around here werent such a**es i would have a problem but i know im not missing out on much lol

Anonymous 2011-04-22 08:33:08 -0500 Report

I have had ED for more years than I want to count. Decrease in Testosterone so I use a topical for that. Men's menopause? I have an impartial spinal cord injury. I think it started about that time. So I take an ED med. There are many creams etc sold over the counter at CVS. My wife and I have a very satisfying relationship. Explore with your doctor and your partner.

Next Discussion: always sick???? »