How welldo your familly support you.

By donna62M Latest Reply 2011-04-17 01:43:26 -0500
Started 2011-04-09 19:38:50 -0500

Every now and then my Husband will bring home some chocolate or crisps or lollies… and he knows all about what I should be eating and shouldn't … I was wondering if anyone else has this problem and how they delt with it…I know he want's to give me a treat and make me feel better.but in the long run IT DOESN'T HELP AT ALL.

62 replies

Wanda54 2011-04-17 01:43:26 -0500 Report

Wow the treats sound sad.5 years ago I had a severe stroke, perylisis on my right side nerve pain from head to toe.Worked hard to recovere as, i am, but not complete,I read up on Type 2 dibetis scared the tar out of me all the things that can go wrong.educate hubby treats will stop if he wants to keep ya around.

Armourer 2011-04-14 22:35:53 -0500 Report

There are two sides to this story/problem and it sucks for those on both sides! My family and extended family do not support me at all. A couple years ago they told me not to bring my food to a thanksgiving diner. I drank two cans of V8 while they pigged out. No body cared. They all know and don't even try. I'm about 60/40 in standing up to this. For a couple years I swore off any extended family gathering, but in the last couple months I've got two new kids-in-law and now I go to family things. I now bring what foods I can eat, eat before I go, or not eat at all. For our own families the rule should be compromise from both sides! Some will power on the diabetic persons part and allow others in the family to live life, but they need to help out to and not constantly have things around that tempt us. Lets face it, being bombarded with temptation one is going to finally give in. I'm constantly surrounded with ice cream, cookies and pies, and they won't have anything sugar-free, because it either tastes bad or makes them sick to even smell fake sugar. Many times I feel that nobody cares, that I'm not loved or wanted…but I need to be the bigger person in this. Best to you!!!

donna62M 2011-04-15 02:18:34 -0500 Report

if you replaced the full sugar things with low sugar things and they didn't know, they probably wouldn't know. i did this with my family and they didn't know till I told them…I have a big advantage over you because I do the shopping…I feel sorry that they don't support you , and they really should. I t is hard enough just being diabetic with support, let alone without…Phillip has now agreed to not bring them in unless I ask…(yeah!!!!) so my problem has been fixed for the moment…Thinking of you…and wishing that things were diffrent… and try not to let it get to you…I they have a problem with what you eat atfamily gatherings tell them to deal with it because this is what you have to eat and you aren't holding a gun to their heads and force feeding them, so get over it…Wish I was there to tell them for you…GOOD LUCK… and thank you for sharing.

Anonymous 2011-04-12 21:27:44 -0500 Report

Playing devils advocate here - as I am the spouse of a diabetic and not the person suffering from the illness. But, is your husband really bringing these home for you - or for himself? Four months ago when my husband was diagnosed with T2 I went through the kitchen and threw away EVERYTHING that he cannot have. Since then, diabetes has become this giant, life sucking, monster that follows us around and has put a huge strain on our relationship. No more family ratherings, because food was always such a big part of those. No holiday dinners. No holiday treats. Rarely a dinner out because finding things he can eat is so hard. I follow his diet, which I hate, and I exercise right along side him, which I hate, I go to his doctors visits, which I hate, I watch him test, which I hate, I obsess about his health, which I hate - I miss our old life and sometimes I resent him because I hate this new life that was forced on ME too! I hate his disease, but I love him, so I do it. However, I do at times feel like I'm being punished for something that, physically, has nothing to do with me. I have to admit that I miss cookies and easy dinners from the local pizza shop. I can see, in the long term, where I will eventually get sick of the food limitations and go back to eating foods that taste good to ME. I'm already at the point where the sight of skinless chicken, green vegies and salads are bringing on a gag reflex. It's my house too and I shouldn't feel like I'm not allowed to have food that I enjoy. Maybe your husband has reached that point and you're assuming that he's trying to temp you when, actually, these are just things that HE wants. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Does he have to eat them in front of you? No. But remember, you also don't have to stay in the same room with him while he eats them.

WendyFR 2011-04-11 18:22:24 -0500 Report

Well, my parents and two of my siblings are Type 2 diabetics. My brother and parents are really bad. They keep "bad" food at their house. They say it's for the grand kids or thier kids. But I know the real reason…LOL especailly when they eat it in front of me. My parents always tell me, "you shouldn't eat that, it's not good for you" Really? Seriously? I got it out of your pantry…LOL. I do fit whatever I eat into my meal plan.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2011-04-11 15:17:55 -0500 Report

Hey Donna,

Looks like you hit on a hot topic here!

I just wanted to add that food we often use food to express our feelings. We use it to celebrate, to congratulate, to console, to reach out.

Your husband may be feeling sorry for you, having to watch your diet so closely and deny yourself sugary snacks. And he may feel like you should have a treat once in awhile - and he can give himself one as well, and enjoy it with you.

So he may just need some more education to let him know that you not only don't need or want him to give you sugary snacks, but that they are actually harmful to you. You might also tell him whether it is okay for him to eat them in front of you, or not, so that he knows whether he can get eat them in front of you.

Since food is a way of connecting, you might also let him know what you can eat, and what you might enjoy together.

And, letting him know that his presence in your life, his care and concern, are all you need, might not be a bad idea either.

Have a great week!


denatrout1974 2011-04-11 13:38:20 -0500 Report

my family is always eating alot of junk in front of me,always asking me if i want some,sometimes i feel like im in this alone.i mean does this desease have to kill me before they care?

BandonBob 2011-04-11 10:49:51 -0500 Report

My children give me great support. From another perspective my sister and my late mother and brother give me support in not living uncontrolled as their example. My mother and brother both died from letting their diabetes go and my sister is in bad shape. Sometimes negative examples really serve to make us do what we should to keep ourselves going.

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2011-04-11 11:23:06 -0500 Report

How true and how sad about negative examples. My Dad had the same vein issue I have, he failed to do some of the things he could have to help himself. That reminder motivates me to try to do my best. My extended family understands about the veins. They are learning about diabetes. Last Saturday at my niece's bridal shower her sister tried to hand me a giant piece of Mom's (aka The Cake Lady) cake. She had just finished telling someone everyone gets cake, no excuses. I smiled and said Diabetes, she promptly replied "That is the only acceptable reason to refuse the cake."

jayabee52 2011-04-11 11:39:19 -0500 Report

They CAN be taught! LoL!

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2011-04-11 11:51:09 -0500 Report

Yes, and this niece is the "She who must be obeyed in the family". Others rarely get away with saying no to her.

jayabee52 2011-04-11 12:33:16 -0500 Report

Yes I saw the acronym SWMBO elsewhere and googled it. They had a picture of my ex there to illustrate! LoL!

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2011-04-11 12:51:37 -0500 Report

I didn't know what the SWMBO was when I had seen it. My niece must have run her a close 2nd for the honor. She got all the gene from two sides of her family her Dad's mom and her Mom's dad both were never wrong in their lives and fully in control, or else look out. My Dad (her Grandpa) would have been referred to as HWMBO?

jayabee52 2011-04-11 13:01:49 -0500 Report

Well my dad would have HWMRRBO! (The 2 extra Rs = really really!) He said "Jump" and you didn't take the time to ask "how high?" You asked that on the way up! (I can laugh about it now, but as a kid, not so much).

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2011-04-11 13:29:22 -0500 Report

Yep. Never, ever, ever question. After Dad died my youngest sister was really upset because his interment niche was at the top of the stack aactually above the acoustical tile. I said "We always knew Dad was going to hit the roof sooner or later. Now it has finally happened.

Somoca 2011-04-11 10:02:42 -0500 Report

My son doesn't get it all the time.. He will ask for things when I grocery shop that he knows I can't have. Since I do the buying I make the decision not to buy it. If my son wants it, he eats it before he gets to the house.

donna62M 2011-04-12 22:29:55 -0500 Report

I still try to make sure that they have treats…they go to Macas,etc…but phillip takes them…

granniesophie 2011-04-11 09:54:13 -0500 Report

My boyfriend doesn't get it at all-I could drop dead in front of him and he wouldn't get it! Apparently people in Yugoslavia never ever get Diabetes!! Luckily, as soon as I grow a stronger backbone, he will be kicked to the curb! Its almost strong enough, but I have yet to figure out why I am such a chicken! Its not liike I haven't lived alone before, and my lovely helpful daughter and family live not 5 miinutes away. Hers is the ICE number on my medical ID.
Once he's gone, my fridge will only have good stuff in it, and there will be no temptations at all, and a cheaper food bill too :)

jayabee52 2011-04-11 10:20:16 -0500 Report

Praying your backbone will get stronger soon.

Sounds to me as if he's just using you. But I could be wrong as I don't know your situation.

roshy 2011-04-11 04:01:34 -0500 Report

i have to be honest !!! my family are not that supportive!!! both myself and my father have got type one and as far as the rest of the family are concerned, our condition, our problem!! my brothers are useless and no nothing about the condition!! one of them keeps mistaking my glucose meter for an mp3!!! When my dad becomes low he will get barked at to eat something and when i occasionaly want something nice to eat ill get attacked iswell!!!
when my supplies are left on the table its 'get that diabetes crap off the counter!!!'
when my sugars are high its another attack ' you must have been eating chocolate'
I have to tell ya sometimes id rather not turn to my family about my diabetes because they are completely clueless on how challenging it can be!!
My friends are a different story!! they let me vent and will listen!! they are past the stage of giving out to me or playing the part of diabetic police!!

RAYT721 2011-04-10 13:59:28 -0500 Report

Ah, this is a pretty common discussion topic! You should check out the archives (discussions/search) with similar keywords to find similar questions and answers. I notice this question posed by women far more than by men and yet, ironically, women do most of the shopping. So, with that said, let me tell you as a man that it's because we LOVE you that we want to show it with flowers and/or candy and/or something because that is how we were brought up. It's not that we don't care or are insensitive… in fact, it's the opposite. (Thank you for acknowledging it in your post). The reality is that he needs to be told and not when you're angry or have a lollipop stick hanging out of your mouth but in a gentle conversation. You married your best friend, didn't you? Remind him of that friendship … honesty!

Just note that while they do have sugar free candies on the market to read the labels because in many cases the carb counts of the sf versions are actually higher than the original sugared products (ie Hersheys and Russell Stover). They are okay as occasional splurges but be careful. Glucose is impacted by carbs with sugar being one of many carbs.

pixsidust 2011-04-10 16:06:12 -0500 Report

Good point on the Carbs in sugar free candy. Thats why I eat one piece vs the 3 in the serving size. Its 8 carbs per piece (Russell Stover Health bars) but Oh so good!

donna62M 2011-04-11 08:59:34 -0500 Report

the sweetners tend to give me the runs in the lollies…so the sugar free ones are out…it's the pits.

jayabee52 2011-04-11 09:47:17 -0500 Report

It's the same for me. The sugar alcohols give me "the Trots".

"Lollies" is that the same as "toilet" or "Loo"?

jayabee52 2011-04-11 10:28:18 -0500 Report

Thanks. I am fascinated by language, and was not familiar with that term. Americans and the British empire. Two peoples divided by the same language! LoL!

RAYT721 2011-04-11 16:06:28 -0500 Report

James… I thought lollies was shortcut for lollipops.

I can totally relate to the language "barriers" between US and British languages. I had a friend visit from the UK a few times and our experiences were hysterical with some of the simplest words or expressions and even pronunciations. I asked if he wanted sour cream for his pierogies. His response, "no, not if it's going bad."

jayabee52 2011-04-11 18:08:42 -0500 Report

now that it's explained to me I can see that. But the context in which the word was used caused me to question.

jayabee52 2011-04-11 18:19:44 -0500 Report

I have that problem too. Sometimes I know what I want to say, but can't seem to say it. It is really, really frustrating for me because I am a very verbal fellow. (as many here can attest — sometimes too verbal for my own good, LoL!)

No worries Donna!

Type1Lou 2011-04-10 11:35:12 -0500 Report

Your spouse does not have the diabetes; you do. My husband loves desserts with cake and frosting and ice cream being his favorites. I do not consider his eating them or buying them to be lack of support for me. (He doesn't have a weight problem.) He is there to help me when I have my low blood sugar episodes and has literally saved my life numerous times. We do tend to eat healthier meals because of my diabetes but he can have his hot fudge sundaes and potato chips etc. while I choose not to because of the consequences for me. Your spouse is not your parent and shouldn't control what you eat. You have the control. If he buys these snacks for you (rather than for himself) explain to him that you appreciate his thoughtfulness but that you can't eat them because of the harm it would do to you…and maybe suggest an alternative (non-food) treat…like a gift certificate to your favorite store or a night out dancing or going to a show or a day at the beach?

donna62M 2011-04-10 17:22:30 -0500 Report

My husband never eats them himself.

Type1Lou 2011-04-10 18:20:12 -0500 Report

Somehow, we need to figure out a way for you to better channel his good intentions to make you happier (and healthier) and not sabotage you. Since you're into arts and crafts (as am I), why not pick out an item from a catalog and suggest that he get that for you rather than any food item. It doesn't have to be anything really big either. I find when I'm sewing, I forget about eating. I joke that I'm on a high-fiber diet when I buy more fabric…you never have enough! Hope you find your solution.

donna62M 2011-04-10 18:29:55 -0500 Report

That is an excellent idea and I love it…he is going to be getting toknow the staff at our local craft stores better…HA HA HA

Type1Lou 2011-04-10 18:34:20 -0500 Report

Please let me know how/if this works…sounds like it could be a win/win situation for you, hubby and the craft store!

tabby9146 2011-04-10 10:36:31 -0500 Report

I would rather my husband be a little strict with me than to not care at all. It makes me feel so bad.

tabby9146 2011-04-10 10:35:50 -0500 Report

sorry you have this problem, and I do too. My husband is not supportive at all. He is about other things, but not about my diabetes. He doesn't eat right, doesn't exercise, brings home goodies on a regular basis. It is so hard to try to keep my daughter away from them, and she is overweight at 9 years old. It is all in her tummy like mine used to be, and that is my husband's only problem area too, which puts them both at an increased risk of D. Plus my birth father and both of his parents have it, so my son and daughter are at an increased risk, my son is nearly 20 and very skinny, but I am concered that many years from now, he won't take it seriously and he will probably gain weight when he is older. I have cut down on the sugar in my daughter's diet some, but it is so hard. She eats sugar free things sometimes. I do have her on skim milk and drinking more water, and she does get exercise everyday at school and at home. I make sure she doesn't spend too much time on the computer or her DS. It's the hardest thing.

donna62M 2011-04-10 17:27:40 -0500 Report

I worry that the kids will end up with it aswell…it is in both sides of the family so the risks are even bigger…a couple of years ago the doc mentioned that my eldest Adam was packing on the weight so we enroled him in a sport… he had a choice of what to do and he chose soccer…best thing for him…just have to find what Emma is interested in…

tabby9146 2011-04-10 22:43:27 -0500 Report

That is good. My daughter is in 3rd grade, so there are no school sports yet, and she is interested in art and not dance or anything like that. I would have put her in dance classes at 5 if she'd have shown an interest. That was about the time she started really getting a tummy she is 95 lbs only 9. She is a little larger boned, I am very very small boned and she always wishes she was like me, so I feel so sad for her. I know it is going to be even harder the older she gets, she was actually called fat at school. She isn't, just her tummy, but we don't tell her that. At least I have managed to keep her in the same size for over a year now. I'm trying. they only allow healthy snacks from home at school and that helps, that way, she isn't seeing other kids eating bad things while she eats healthy, and the school lunches are improving, though half of the time she brings her lunch. they are incorporating WW bread instead of white and they have always had fresh fruit, makng other changes too.

Gimpalong 2011-04-16 19:29:38 -0500 Report

You say your daughter is 95 lbs. and 9 years old? Have you had her thyroid tested. The reason that I ask, is because I had a similar problem at that age. No matter what I did without to eat, I still gained weight. I'm big boned, and I have a very petite mother. When she took me to the doctor, he found that my thyroid was not working at all. I have been on 4.0mg of Synthroid since I was a kid. I don't know your daughter or you, but it might be something to think about. Have a great weekend. I hope you find a solution and get the support that you need.

donna62M 2011-04-11 09:02:38 -0500 Report

It is really hard to know what is best for them when they don't reaslly like sport…Emma is in to music and art and reading…not very active things.. but she is playing soccer at school… so I hope she cultivates a passion for it…

Bunny Cakes
Bunny Cakes 2011-04-10 10:23:13 -0500 Report

My family supports me 100% and they are even trying to switch over to my diet a little for their own health since diabetes runs on my fiance's side of the family he has to worry about it too.

Though neither he or his mother, she lives with us, are diabetic and can still both eat sweets and drink regular sodas. They both apologize if I wander in on them eating something I can't have, which I find adorable and I repeatedly tell them they don't have to do. Mace has even gone so far as to tell me he now feels really bad when he has to ask me to put things on the shopping list that he knows I can't have, he thinks it must be pure torture to have to go buy things I can't have and used to love.

But to me it's not, it was at first but now I have my own treats that I pick up just for me. So to me it's not that I can't have what he's eating it's that he has his own treats now and I have mine.

Mace and his mom both refuse to even try my stuff for fear it won't be there for me when I want it later and they each go out of their way to make sure I have foods I can eat all the time.

Since we discovered I'm apparently very sensitive to the amount of sleep I get Mace nags me to go to bed on time each night and makes sure I have the alarm set so I get up at the right time each morning, this is helped greatly by my cat who has learned that when I wake up she gets to eat and now wakes me up five minutes before the alarm goes off.

Speaking of my cat she has also volunteered to help me with portion sizes of brown rice and will try to steal it from me if I am not paying proper attention to where she is sitting when I have my plate in my lap. I sometimes wonder if getting her the cat food with the brown rice was a good idea now, lol.

Dixiemom 2011-04-10 08:57:52 -0500 Report

My husband is very supportive, he is constantly monitoring what I eat and will tell me if I eat something he thinks I shouldn't. At times this can be very annoying. I like to cheat on my "diet" and he knows this. He really wants to help me but it does sound , at times, like he's nagging. because of my neuropathy I should be watching my weight. HHHHe tells me it is getting harder for him to pick me up off the floor when I crash so we were working on that and then this T2 stuff was added. Can't win for losin.

pixsidust 2011-04-09 21:28:10 -0500 Report

My family knocks themselves out to try and help my diet. They are always asking me what can I have and giving me caution if they are concerned. Yes we have cookies in the house and real ice cream. I am happy with the pudding treats that are mine alone. I also have Russell Stovers sugar free Peanut butter cups and Heath bar pieces. I have one piece which is 8 carbs and stop there. I do most of the shopping. I have some real sweet tooths that would be so disappointed not to have anything. I make sure I have something for those weak moments too. One day I came home and there was a piece of chocolate mousse in the fridge. In a single motion I grabbed my chocolate pudding!

donna62M 2011-04-09 21:58:51 -0500 Report

I like you do all the shopping in the house…but these are the extras he brings in…if they are not there I don't miss them…if they are I can't resist them…catch 22 and back on the merry go round again.

pixsidust 2011-04-10 09:35:43 -0500 Report

Show him where the Russel Stovers sugar free candies are. I do not notice any flavor difference. Give him things he can come home with since he wants to give you and himself treats. Wal-Mart sells the big bag. I grabbed a piece just reading this last night! Show him the recipe for low carb ice cream that you make yourself. (its in recipes) Maybe a few dark chocolate pieces can be sprinkled in, but make it his mission and something he can do. Ask him to go get these things or if he would try making this. That way he is an active participant and without knowing it or your expressing frustration, you can train him to go a better way.

jayabee52 2011-04-09 19:54:51 -0500 Report

Howdy Donna!

My beloved bride "Jem" was a t2 as was I. But she ate a lot of things with caused her BG to rise. I tried to control what I brought into the house (she was totally blind - and I did the grocery shopping) but she also had stomach problems (like GERD) and used a regular cola to settle her stomach. It was hard to keep my BG#s under control because she wanted cookies and other sweets. I didn't have a lot of will power when those things were around. I could forgo the colas and other regular sodas, but, the cakes and cookies and other high glycemic treats, I couldn't resist very much or very long.

And because I loved her, I couldn't just tell her no, when she asked me to buy food or drink WE shouldn't have.

We were just newly married, and I didn't want to say no to her, even though I knew I should.

She has now passed from this life, and I miss her tremendously! But now I eat better and my BG#s show it.

Blessingss to you and yours


pixsidust 2011-04-09 21:20:11 -0500 Report

I am happy you had those treasured moments with Jem and am sad the time was short. You loved her tenderly and that love is rare to find. So glad you are here with your warmth and caring

Next Discussion: medication »