Some People dont seem to care about People Feelings

By Beverlydolls Latest Reply 2011-08-20 17:45:52 -0500
Started 2011-03-14 06:05:21 -0500

Other day I was talking to my older son… My landlord is a Jerk for one and he is dying from Lung Cancer… I feel sorry for the man but he treats me awful… so my son called him and told him that we was having some problems here that he needs to fix… Well when my son got off the phone with him.. He said it is sad that he is dying…that he needs help around son said that he will help him with our issue here… he said he feel sorry for him… i said something that i have health issues too and i cant deal with some of the stuff either.. and my son went off on me and saying that i was trying to turn it around to make me look sick.. my son said geesh mom he is dyeing from cancer.. well said i can die too… dont you know that!! he still bitches me out and told me to leave him alone… I wasnt trying to make the landlord problem bad.. i was trying to show my son that I'm ill too and i can die too… he doesnt see it.. I not for sure if I say this in a right way or not! Was I wrong??? I need good or bad feed backs… Thanks for reading… i just feel so unwanted around here…

15 replies

Beverlydolls 2011-03-16 04:33:36 -0500 Report

Thanks for everyone reply's

lkh6951 2011-03-23 02:56:08 -0500 Report

My kids act the same way with me. It is harder for them to deal with our illness than the illness of a stranger. Above all, they don't want to be reminded that they could lose us by us. I have a good friend that my kids consider an Aunt. She is the one that can get through to my kids…and mine are adults.

menstar1 2011-03-15 01:43:00 -0500 Report

i have the same problem with my husband. gentle reminders seem to work. mostly when he wants me to eat more than i should.

jayabee52 2011-03-15 15:07:12 -0500 Report

Howdy Marion
Perhaps you should hug and kiss him and say something like: "I love you dear, and I want to spend a good, long, healthy life with you. But to eat like you suggest, may well give me complications and may shorten my life. Is that REALLY what you want?"

(of course that assumes you are eating a well balanced diabetic diet to keep your blood glucose numbers under control, If you're on a starvation diet, then he is right!)

Tigereyze209 2011-03-14 11:28:53 -0500 Report

It is hard, but sometimes, one of the best ways to deal with others is to develop a very thick skin. "Crimes of Passion' are called that for a good reason.. we are emotional creatures, and us guys try to say we are not controled by how we feel, but the truth is, we tend to act worse on emotional impulses than ladies at times, and come to regret it when we come back to our reason. It can be tempting to keep of list of the stupid things (or in this case, simply thoughtless) we have done or said, but, and this is just my opinion, that shows a tendancy to try to hold an advantage in picking a fight rather than trying to reason with someone or at least have a civil discussion.
Right or wrong, appearances play a part too.. the old guy looks like he could be suffering.. in our case, with a maintained condition, we 'look' fine, so to a casual observer, we appear to be exagerating a bit.
Another factor, your landlord sounds like he has developed some manipulation skills and played your son like a fiddle.
My two cents worth, you can keep the change.

mysteria7130 2011-08-20 14:36:41 -0500 Report

AMen, My mother had diabetis for years. She kept going down hill till her heart gave way. Now I have diabetis. But I choose to take it one day at a time. God bless you and all your loved ones.

LabRat90 2011-03-14 10:26:37 -0500 Report

I think you should be grateful that your son feels empathy for someone else. That means that he feels empathy for you too. He might just not know how to deal with it yet. Give him a break. You raised a decent and caring son. Be proud!

pixsidust 2011-03-14 09:51:21 -0500 Report

While I am first hand empathetic to our plight; what your Son feels has validity. He wanted to show empathy towards the landlord. There is a time and a place to talk about ourselves. That "time" was not one of them. It would appear you do not want him empathizing for the landlord or you would not have brought up "what about me". What were you looking for your right Mom, you could die too so I won't feel anything for the landlord?
It comes off as "Do not have feelings about anyone but me".

Beverly, I think you are a Sweetie Pie but bringing up what about me at that moment was wrong. The competition of whose ill will only turn off your son and others. There is a moment when the attention will be all yours and then thats when you share your feelings. Do not diminish his feelings by telling him he is wrong to have them. That what you said without saying it. Be gracious to share in his empathy. That was your chance to be understanding instead of bringing conflict.

Even if your landlord is not the nicest. Cancer drugs make you irritable without control, on top of not feeling good. Lung Cancer has to be just about the worst. I have no energy when I can not breathe. Who knows what time line he has been given on life. He has to still care about your plumbing and he "is dying".

I used to have a boss who every time anyone had a problem or was ill, she was worse. She retired and its part of what we could not stand about her as we think about her. Sometimes you have to let someone else have their moment and not be envious they are not thinking about you. He loves you. Yes, you were wrong. Tell him you are sorry and mend the rift.

Give yourself a good hug. You are loved and valuable. Be secure in that!

melissa5786 2011-03-14 08:28:55 -0500 Report

It sounds to me like he just doesn't comprehend or doesn't want to think about you ever dying. I don't think your son was intentionally making you feel bad. We're all guilty of acting like that when someone brings us the reality of dying. No one wants to think about losing their parents and sometimes we lash out when it's brought up. I lost my father when I was 7 and every day since then I've worried about losing my mother, too. I'm almost 25 and it still scares me to think that I'll live in a world without her. And it's even scarier thinking about the world I'll leave, too.

Just talk to your son. Make he realize that yes, you're sick and it's not going to go away, but with his help you can live a happy, long, healthy life. And sometimes you're going to talk or feel like things are horrible, but you need him there to remind you of all the wonderful things you have in life. Including him.

realsis77 2011-03-14 08:03:01 -0500 Report

I'm sorry your son made you feel so badly! Yes diabetes is a terriable disease and it does take lives! This is why we must have tight control over it! It is a silent killer. Sometimes those closest to us don't want to see that we are ill and he's possiably in denial because with diabetes most of the time you don't "look" sick. Like I said it can be a silent killer. So because your not "looking" sick your sons not percieving you as sick. Does that make since? I think those closest too us sometimes don't want to realize we ARE sick. The good part is as long as we continue to follow our treatment plan and take our pills or insulin or keep our numbers down we Can live a full healthy life thank God! Maybe you need to educate your son a bit on diabetes so he does understand how serious it can be? Sounds like he just thinks its not a big deal. If he got some education about diabetes he will realize yes it is serious and it can kill if left untreated! Then I think he will come to grips with you being ill. Like I said before the good news about diabetes is that if we continue to keep our numbers down and follow our treatment plans we will live a full life. I do hope your son is willing to listen to you and learn more about diabetes and then hopefully he will be more sensitive to your needs! Perhaps he will realize you don't have to "look" sick to be sick! Please keep us posted on how your doing. Good luck and God bless you!

kittenpurr1 2011-03-15 01:11:47 -0500 Report

Hi, diabetics have a weaken immune system too. Stress plays a big factor in ones life, I am new to diabetes just being diagnosed Jan. 25, 2011- this year has been hard, really hard, I keep on finding additional things wrong with me. I just lost a pet, I have a terminal ill sister-in-law stage 4 cancer, and stage 1 in her neck, I just lost a pet, he was a great companion. Stress can bring out shingles, carpal tunnel, and other things that are underlying in some diabetics. I have shingles now, I have carpal tunnel in both hands, but the diabetes made it show in my left hand. My thing is children should show respect. I also agree, no one wants to think of losing a parent.
Perhaps, maybe you could get some flyers on diabetes, sit them out for him to read. Cook him his favorite meal, and tell him before hand, you need to discuss some things with him. You are a good mother, your heart doesn't deserve the torture it goes through, it's called abuse.

Beverlydolls 2011-03-15 04:03:48 -0500 Report

Geesh you was diagnosed on my Birthday. :( that sucks… I dont think he would read the flyers if i would get them.. worth the try… Thanks so much for your comment really do helps me…